Monday, January 2, 2012

Its been awhile

I noticed I hadn't blogged in over a year. Its been a year of challenges, triumphs and dissapointments.

Ricky and I did get a house in September. We got a home through LGI. They work with credit challenged people to try to get them their dream of home ownership. Its not a fancy home at all. Its just 3 bedrooms and 2 baths. It does have a nice kitchen and a lovely master suite. Its not a mansion but for a first home we could have done a lot worse. Payments are 885 a month. So I am pleased.

We also were challenged with our generosity. We helped a couple who were in dire straits. However it turned into a bad situation. We lost a big chunk of money and the people we helped no longer want to have anything to do with us. As long as the money coming their way they would sing praises of "we love you" and you are awesome. Once it stopped they stopped talking to us. We were helping them because we thought it was the right thing to do considering we have been in hard financial situations as well.

My faith in God has been tested over the past 3 months. More threats of divorce, financial issues, and work problems have pushed me to the limit. I am getting very discouraged. I do not expect Eutopia but I am getting impatient. I pretty much am reduced to begging for the Lord to help me now! I cant take any more of this stress and it just seems cruel to continue for a "purpose". My relationship with the Lord is on rocky ground. I dont doubt His existence or love. But I am not liking how I feel right now. I really dont want to endure any more. References of Biblical characters like Job and Joseph just make me even more angry. Yes they suffered and risen above the circumstances. But I dont want to go through a huge roller coaster of trials. I may be selfish stating this but I cant help how I feel.

Ricky and I could be doing much better. You would think our first home would unite us. Instead there are threats that I cannot handle. Its too much for me to deal with and I am getting angry. I just want the nonsense to stop and a little break. I do so much and I feel like its not appreciated. I dont think anyone gives a flying crap about what I want. I want to just throw in the towel.

I need prayer in the worst way. I am beyond discouraged.

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