Politically Incorrect

Recently I have been listening to a great sermon series called Politically Incorrect. This was a series that First Baptist Dallas preacher Dr. Robert Jeffress has been preaching on every Sunday. So far I have heard 4 sermons and they shout the unchanging Word of God. Its weird that I would listen to him because he is a Southern Baptist. If you know me you know those two words usually have me running and hiding. Until recently I thought that Dr. Jeffress was very closed minded and lacked compassion because of some of his stands he takes on issues that cause controversy. Also the fact that the media painted him as a bigot played a part because I bought into that mess. But if you listen to him you will realize that he is only preaching Gods Word as the Truth. He wants us to know the Good News of Jesus.

I have started to admire Dr. Jeffress because he has stood his ground on his convictions during this series. The messages have not been without uproar and outcry from those who do not agree. Dr. Jeffress and I are very similar on most views except one and that is the role of women in the church. But that is for another time. He has gone through verbal attacks, protests, and slander on news because of his series. I want to speak about a couple of the topics more clearly and give my input.

I listened to "America is a Christian Nation" the day of the election. Dr. Jeffress goes through the American history and expounds on the values that our country was founded on. I had to hear about horrifying accounts of how much our country was shifted for the worse. Rulings of the past 50 years have discounted the purpose of what the founding fathers were trying to accomplish. We have went from a nation founded on the gospel of Jesus to one that is divided. It is a sad state when our president-elect said during his campaign that the US cannot be a Christian nation because its filled with Muslims and Hindus. I am certainly not speaking out against any other cultures but it is disheartening that the person who is supposed to take an oath to protect our country is in danger of doing the opposite. I also have a problem with our continuing restrictions expressing our beliefs. We are unable to have a "Christmas" party anymore at schools and work. It will offend a non-believer. However if I were to speak out against Hindu or Islam I would be considered intolerant. Why is that? Today I called into "Live from Criswell" on KCBI because the host Dr. Barry Creamer was speaking about the constitution. He would ask what part of the constitution are we thankful for or what is endangered. I had said that I am thankful for freedom of religion but feel its in danger at the same time. In recent years if you say "Merry Christmas" or "God Bless you" it is cause for a lawsuit or worse. Also I had a friend who took her Bible to work and her boss told her it was offensive and not to read it in front of other people. What really takes the cake is a young 12 year old boy named Ernest called in on the same show I did. He told Dr. Creamer that you will get written up for bringing your Bible to school. ARE YOU SERIOUS!! I can understand if you were reading a book or drawing during class. You get correct disciplinary action for that. But if you are seen with Gods Word in your hand you get written up? That is not cool at all. As a side note I have to mention that after my call in to "Live from Criswell" just about every other caller spoke about freedom of religion. I feel like I struck a nerve in our believers to stand up for Jesus. When an elementary school is having a presentation on Islam and marquees and ads are saying "Happy Fall Festival or Happy Winter" that shows just how much we have slipped. Oh and I am not exaggerating on my last statements. One caller spoke about the Islamic presentation and the other caller spoke about the marquees. Also if you don't believe me go to www.barrycreamer.com and listen to the archived show. You will hear me and other callers speak about the sad state of our freedom of religion being imposed.

To expound on "America is a Christian Nation" Dr. Jeffress also speaks about the voting criteria when going into the booth. He speaks about 3 questions. 1. Is the candidate a Christian? To me that is important. Because if he/she is then that person is respecting the values that our country was founded on. Also with the presence of the God in our leader there is hope for us. If he/she acknowledges Jesus as Lord and Savior and applies those principals to how the decisions get made we are more likely to stand united. Proverbs 29:2 says "When the righteous thrive, the people rejoice and when the wicked rule the people groan." 2. Does the candidate embrace biblical principal? To go deeper what does he/she say about the sanctity of marriage? What does he/she say about abortion? Does he/she stutter and stumble and make comments about it saying its below their pay grade? By the way what does that mean anyway? That's for another time though. 3. Does the candidates private faith influence public policy? That means do they keep faith separate from their decisions? Do they trust in God to guide them? I will say that my candidate did not get into office but he and his running mate answered all 3 questions with a resounding yes. Whoever you voted for I pray that he/she had those principals. Because those 3 things will work out in the social issues that our country is experiencing.

So on to the controversial 2 part sermon I heard over the past few weeks. Dr. Jeffress preached 2 sermons called "Gay is not OK" and "What to say to those who are gay". This country has grown more tolerant of homosexuals in the past 20 years. I have nothing against gays and lesbians. I am just not into relations with someone of the same sex. I have to admire Dr. Jeffress because he took a very courageous stand on this issue. He preached it knowing that this topic would meet with some objection. The two part message spawned protesters outside of the church each weekend. It was a very peaceful demonstration. These people were speaking out against his message because they felt it was hate speech. They felt he was being cruel and bigoted. If they really listened to Dr. Jeffress's message they would have realized it was one of the most loving, compassionate, caring sermons on the subject. He gave intelligent insight to why homosexuality is wrong. He quoted straight from God's Word. He did not make this up just to make a certain group of people wrong. He did not sit in his office and say "Hmm how should I make them mad today?" No he felt the call to spread God's Word on this subject. Go to www.firstdallas.org if you want to listen to the message. He is unlike any other person who has preached on this subject. Anybody I have heard before has been rude, condescending and not Christ like. Dr. Jeffress emulates Christs love even when he is preaching about something this serious.

There are more sermons in the series. They are insightful and expose us to the truths us Christians should know about. I thank the Lord for opening up my eyes to Dr. Jeffress and not buying into media negativity.

Heavenly Father, Thank You for Your servants like Dr. Jeffress and Dr. Creamer. We are thankful for Your service through these fine men. I also want to thank You for Your unending love and grace. In Jesus name I pray, Amen

Post election frustration

When it was announced that Barack Obama was going to be the new president, many reactions happened throughout the country. At work people were cheering and hugging each other, at home a different story. I was home when I heard the news. I was dissapointed. Not because I think horribly of Obama but because naturally McCain lost and I was a supporter. Now I understand that Obama is our president-elect and I pray that the Lord will guide him on how to lead the country.

However I am very unhappy with the way people have been acting when they found out Obama won. There has been hate bulletins on myspace proclaiming that McCain supporters are jerks. I have also witnessed gloating attitudes at my place of business. I feel like that this election has caused a war on who's better and has generated an "in your face" attitude from some people. Also when someone has asked me who I voted for I get a laundry list of reasons why my choice sucks. I hate that nasty attitude I get. Then accusations about how much of a racist I am because I did not vote for Obama really hurts. I don't accuse someone of voting for Obama because they are racist. Why should I be attacked?

When I go to the polls I place my vote on whoever I feel could do the job. At that time I had faith in Senator McCain. He has served our country for 30 years in the military. He has had experience in the Senate. I DO NOT place my votes on skin color. Do you know why that is a fact? Because I wanted Condeleeza Rice or Colin Powell to be on the GOP ticket. They have done well for our country.

I am also tired of hearing President Bush getting slandered. Granted he made some mistakes but he kept our country protected from terrorists. He needs to be left alone. Quit blaming him because things arent just rosy. It seems that we want to blame others when we arent happy.

Another thing that has made me mad is why people dont vote. One excuse I heard was "I have trust issues". Yeah so do I. But I am casting a vote for someone to lead our country, not a husband. Trust is a hard thing for people to earn but when you use that as an excuse to be silent, that bothers me. Another excuse was "I shouldnt have to". Why do you say that? Then do not complain when things did not go your way!!!! Also if you voted then maybe the person YOU wanted would be in office!

President-elect Obama has a tough job. I will not be like those that slandered Bush. I will pray for guidance and protection for our country. I will also hope that maybe his heart will be changed on a few issues that he supports that I don't agree with.

I pray that our country will be lead in the right direction. The Lord only knows whats in store for us.

Election day post from myspace

The fate of our country will be decided in about 24 hours. It has come down to the wire and I don't know who to vote for. What are the good things about each candidate? I can't base my vote on negative energy and frustration. I hope we can get back to voting because the person is an asset. I want to hear what they can do. I hope we all make a decision due to the candidates issues. I don't want to base it on the mudslinging.

This was my post on November 1st 4 years ago regarding the election. This years mudslinging was some of the worst I have seen in the past 8 years of presidential elections. There are accusations, negative adds, and talk. I am so ready for it to be over because I have had enough listening to people bad mouth. I fear for our country because if the person I don't want to win makes it in we are in trouble. For my own sake I am keeping my vote quiet and not publishing who I am going for. If anyone wants to know they can ask. But to save negative comments and feedback I would just rather keep it close to me. The talk of politics has frustrated me to the point where I have wanted to scream. People have a right to their opinion and beliefs. However before we start criticizing each other on our choice, make sure we get the facts. Don't base your opinion on media or hearsay. I have noticed that this election particularly has been based on those two things. The media wants to put a negative spin on one candidate. Hearsay comes from people pulling stuff out of thin air just to make the candidate look bad so maybe someone would actually listen and believe everything they hear.

A few of you know where I stand. Some of you know I am not much for politics. What really bothers me is when the presidential race is brought up at a 3 year old's birthday party! I was getting frustrated because I thought it was not the time or the place.

My husband and I have similar views on who should run the country. If you ask him he has no problem telling you. Sometimes he is so animated on the subject he will get off on a tangent. You have to pull him back because this election has gotten to him really bad. Oh yeah I am not revealing who he is voting for either. You can ask him yourself. I won't stand for any rude remarks on our choice of candidate. So I give the same respect to those who vote for someone that I don't agree with. Ricky is not that nice. He doesn't mind sharing his opinion. Everyone has a right to how they feel but this election has stressed me out to the point that I keep my mouth shut when it comes to opposing views. Not because I am afraid of what people think, its because I don't want to hear it. I don't want a laundry list of why my choice sucks. I sure don't want you trying to talk me out of my choice. That will just make me even more mad.

The election is coming up. This time I know who I am voting for and I can't wait until its over. The negative feedback and mudslinging is enough for me to pull my hair out. May the best candidate win.

My mother, work, and more

The last couple of weeks have been very challenging. The Lord is working through this because He keeps giving me these things to work out. Sometimes I want to say "Okay I get Your point. Please give me a breather." But its okay because I am growing stronger.



We started working our new shifts on August 30th. Its different. I work a 4 by 10 shift with Saturday, Monday and Tuesday off. I am trying to find a way to fit worship in my schedule because I am working Sundays. It is a challenge but Ricky and I decided to go start going to a Saturday night service. We have not gone yet but I am anticipating a new start with our relationship with God. The Saturday services may even be fun and we may make new friends.



I am happy to report that Maria and Paul have a new place. They found a one bedroom apartment that is affordable. The Lord said "I have not forsaken you" to them by providing moving trucks, a day off and a rent that can be paid during hard times. Maria and Paul had their struggles and doubts but the Lord can handle it and show us the He loves us even when we as humans aren't so sure.



Ricky is staying with Rob and Sarah this week. This may help his depression and give him purpose. Rob and Ricky have become really close. Neither of them have their close friends near by. So I know the Lord has a plan with this.



Last week I got a call from Rhonda telling me that my mother was in ICU. I took this news with mixed feelings. We had been estranged until a few years ago. I carry a guilt because I did not make a strong effort to go see her. I have some unresolved issues with my three eldest sisters that keep me from coming to East Texas much. If you remember there was some fun drama the last time I was there. Its happening again. It serves as a reminder as to why I do not visit. I hate it because I want to have a relationship with them but it has to be separate. No one can get along. It is sad to watch. Now my mother is on life support and it is so hard to take in. Seeing her at the hospital was way too much to take. I have not been well. I have just kept silent most of the time.



The Lord has been working so well with this though. I was struggling with trying to get off work. I had already Saturday,Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday off. I was fighting to get Sunday because I wanted consecutive days to see Mom. I kept negotiating with my boss because he first said I could only get Sunday off if I traded with someone. Problem with that was that I already tried and no one could swap. So I was so upset and I cried at work. I called Rob Rion and told him what was going on with Mom. He said he would pray for me at 7:30. Well 3 hours went by before I heard my request on the air. I was getting upset and about to call but at 1030 I finally heard my request. While Rob was praying and he said "Please find a way for Candice to get the time off to see her mom" . I started crying because I knew he would not let me down. I wanted to raise my hands in praise. Also it gets better. I had not talked to Jeff Day in awhile so I called to say hi. Guess who answered? Our very own KCBI friend Scott Broyles picked up the phone. He said "I was going to text you." I was momentarily confused because I thought it was Jeff at first. Then he said " This is Candice right?" "Yeah it is!" I said. He said " Yeah I heard Rob praying for you as I was driving in to work." I told him that I was surprised to hear from him. He asked if I was listening. I said I took a gamble when I called. So the Lord wanted Scott to hear Rob pray. The next morning I found out that I got coverage for Sunday without trading. I was awed and humbled by the Lord's grace in this situation.

We are supposed to find out what care mom is going to get. I hope we can figure this out without fighting. This needs lots of prayer. More updates will come soon.

Heavenly Father,
I ask for Your grace and presence during this difficult time. Please pour Your love on my sisters and ask that we all get along during the darkest hours. I also am awed and thankful for Your provision to allow us to get the time off work and for Alicia's flight. I also want to pray for Scott and Sarah's unborn child. I pray for a safe pregnancy. Lord I thank You for all You provided even when we do not deserve. Thank You for Your Son Jesus for it is in His name we pray,

Amen

Enough already!

So its about 3am and I cannot sleep. I am wide awake and frustrated. My faith in our Heavenly Father has been through a major roller coaster in the past 6 months. I know He will always be there for me but now I am wondering why things even happen. Sometimes I feel like we are pawns in an evil game because things aren't going our way and we are at our wits end sometimes. Actually I am okay. My finances are not great but I am not freaking out too much. We were able to get the important things paid so we are inching our way out of debt.

I got a letter from Maria and I just want to throw my hands up. Why is God allowing Maria and Paul to have endless nights of worrying where they are going to live? What is the point? Is it to develop character? Why should Anakin and Brielle, 2 Innocent kids have to be a part of the "building character exercise God is giving?" Why can't the government step in and help those who really need it? Why do they get the shaft? What is God trying to accomplish here? I know we are not supposed to question His will but how can we refrain when there is so much junk going on? I am not blaming God for current problems at all. Please don't misunderstand. But what is the purpose of us praying during hard times and the answer we get is "wait?" Its frustrating because we CAN'T wait and there are lives at stake. For me its Ricky constantly in pain. For Paul and Maria its those precious children who may not have a place because of bureaucratic junk. I have asked the Lord "Do You honestly think this is making a difference?" The promise of looking back on this and saying "Yeah I learned something" is not appealing at this moment. What is the reason behind Maria losing her temper, me crying myself to sleep and breaking things? I really just want to scream "Enough already!" I know God is in control. But its not feeling that way right now. Honestly I don't blame Maria one BIT for being frustrated. There is NO reason why she should have to continue suffering.

My new work schedule starts Sunday. Yeah whats the reason behind that noise? How is me missing out on worship every Sunday part of God's will? What good is that going to do? How is that helping me grow in my relationship with Him? I am still pretty ticked about not being able to go to church Sunday. I am less than thrilled about having to work a 10 hour day at my job. I don't hate work. Rather I am not fond of some of the things going on there. I know I could be unemployed and homeless right now. It could be worse. But that does not mean I am jumping for joy giving up worship or getting smart remarks from my boss about being at the bottom of the list.

Also what is the point of pointless attacks on KCBI? Jeff is still having technical difficulties going on a month now. Isn't that ridiculous? Whats the purpose? Why can't Jeff just come in to work and have a smooth night? Why does he have to wrestle with the computers? Why is Scott having issues with the KSYE web page? What kind of self centered jerk would go and plant a virus on that page? You heard me a virus on a CHRISTIAN WEBSITE!!! I tried to log in last night and got an error message saying "This is an attack site" That means if I access it a virus will be planted on my computer. That site needs to be running so it can be ready for Share 2008.

I am just so frustrated with all of this junk. What I SHOULD be doing is praying and reading God's word. What I SHOULD be doing is counting my blessings. I am just not feeling it. I pray all of my friends and myself can get through these challenges. Right now I am running out of steam and do not know if I can go any further.

I was so frustrated I wasn't going to pray but I might as well. I have not lost faith.

Heavenly Father, We are struggling to understand Your Will. Please give us guidance on what it is You want us to do. Please forgive us for our frustration. Provide for Maria at this time. She needs hope and encouragement. Be with KCBI during this tough time. Show them Your grace. Even though we may not know why things happen we do trust in You. We ask this all in Jesus name,

Amen

What is going on??

It seems like my friends have lost their minds! The way they are acting, the decisions they make has just boggled my mind! I have noticed a disturbing trend over the past few days that has left me scratching my head. Please keep in mind I am not judging anyone or claiming I am perfect. I am just so confused!

Meri and Nick of course have had problems galore for the past 6 months. Then Meri broke up with Nick about 2 months ago and decided to get on with her life. Within two days of breaking up with him she decides to go back to him. Well just a few days ago she decides that she does not love him any more because she met someone else. It bothers me that there is a trend of guy hopping getting started. Somehow she got the idea that she needs a man to be complete. Prayer are definitely being sent her way.

Sarah is acting way different than usual. She has been very cold and angry. Rob is staying with us while he is getting tested at the VA hospital. He has been here having a great time with Ricky and taking it easy. Sarah does not like it at all. She has been very bitter and mad every time they talk. I am not sure what is going on. She usually is very self assured, confident, and happy. I certainly understand the challenges of losing 2 people you love in one years time. I am just worried that the insecurity is going to cause a rift. I hate seeing Sarah and Rob fight. Its sad and I wish it would not happen. They have things they need to talk about.

So what has gotten into to both of them?? This is just nuts!!! Why are they acting this way? Why the insecurity? It sucks seeing this. I am praying for strength for both of them. This behavior is not normal at all. Ladies, know that God loves you and that His love is unchanging.

Heavenly Father Please be with Sarah and Meri during this time. Show them that You are the light that can lead them. Thank You for Your steadfast love. In Jesus Name
Amen

Mission Statement?

I was just reading my mission statement on the front page. It seems like very few of my posts even are related to what I originally intended. I started this thinking I would spread the Good News, do inspirational quotes and teach the Bible. Well I am so off base. I still mean what I said but God has put challenges in my way to pursue that. So people may not get inspired on the spot but there is something to be said about faith in God even when the chips are down.



Work still is a challenge. I start my shift in a week. I am still sad about having to work every Sunday and having my music taken away. Lets not forget a certain manager who likes to bug me 6 times in the course of 3 hours. The manager is just doing his job. However his approach to things intimidates me to a stuttering mess. He was asking me questions that I could not answer right away. I finally told him that he made me nervous. Maybe that was not smart but its true. This person is a "just the facts" person. That is good because you know there aren't hidden meetings but it makes me uncomfortable. Plus some of my coworkers are in their own clique that they don't realize I am here. I guess I am at work to do my job and nothing else. But what a waste. An unpleasant work environment is not conducive to motivation or focus. But what do I know I am just a worker. If I don't like it I can leave. At least that's what my charming boss says.



Sarah and Rob came to town. Rob had a seizure over three weeks ago. He just got out of the Navy in June. People are saying the seizure is connected to his time when he was in Iraq. He is in the DFW area to get checked out by the local VA hospital due to his veteran status. I have had him in prayer. The seizure scared Sarah because it causes memories of how her husband departed. Yeah...that's scary. It was fun having them here. I had to work the whole time and there is no such thing as getting coverage. My coworkers hate working nights. I missed the zoo and other good times. It blows. Sigh.



Ricky and I go back to the doctor on Thursday. We probably will have better results. That's a relief. I am so glad. Its time this problem gets nipped in the bud. There is absolutely no reason why we should even be in our 6th month with no results.



Meri broke up with Nick. I just want to throw my hands up at this. In my opinion I think she should leave guys alone for awhile. She wanted to be with someone else. This guy seems to be a good person. I don't know how to feel anymore because it seems like she is jumping from guy to guy and not wanting to rely on her own inner strengths. She somehow thinks that a guy would make everything so much better. This is a major prayer concern. I know because I did that for awhile myself. Guy hopping is no fun. It certainly does not help your self esteem any. Even if you are not intimate with the person it still gives that feeling of temporary. When she told me her and Nick split, all I could feel was sadness. Its a good thing so Nick can grow up and get straight but its a bad thing because it was a waste. Stuff happens for a reason but I really think all of us could save ourselves misery just by thinking through decisions before jumping face first. I know I would be in a different phase in life to this day.



Jeff Day continues to be on my prayer list. Lisa is recovering quite nicely. Her leg is almost healed. Elaine is doing okay as well. I will get an update on her later when I talk to him again this week. Jeff has had it rough though. He had a bulging disk in his back. He also was diagnosed with arthritis and degenerative bone disease. His back has been in constant pain. I only know Jeff by phone but the Lord has laid him on my heart to pray for him. Jeff is a sweetheart and cares for his listeners. I don't like to hear him suffer. He is always so nice when I call the station too. He is a true servant of the Lord. He lives God's word and conveys it in his work at KCBI. Rob Rion has gotten more sleep. He knows I will get on to him if he does not. We still keep in touch. I don't call every day just because I am so tied up with the fun job at Sprint but I keep him posted with Ricky's condition. He actually asked me to. Scott Broyles and I have been writing via myspace. He and his wife Sarah are in prayer because of a difficult pregnancy. Sarah has been rushed to the hospital 3 times in the past few weeks. Her pregnancy has had some complications. She is almost bedridden because if she is active the contractions start and hurt her. I continue to pray for all of these wonderful people. I am volunteering in the Shareathon at KCBI to keep the station alive. With it being listener supported it only runs on donations and business underwriting. I am glad to be a part of that.

My mother is not doing well. Yet I continue to feel detached. It bothers me that I am not crying at her bedside or sad about her at all. We did not grow up together and do not have a bond. Not sure how to feel here. I do pray for her because I don't know where her eternal resting place is. I don't know if she has a relationship with God or not.

A fun thing happened today. We went to an ice cream freeze off. BIG mistake. : ) We got try lots of different flavors and vote on them. Then we got to get a bowl afterwords of our favorites. Wow people really know their stuff. My favorite was a pineapple cake flavor. It won second place in most original. One flavor I would not recommend was the Crazy Cravings. It had pickles in it. Lets just say that was.......interesting. Needless to say that was not my bowl. I probably gained 2 dress sizes this afternoon. That's how good most of the ice cream was. Wes is nice but his Crazy Cravings flavor was not. Sorry! Better luck next year Wes!

More to come as things develop. I will keep updating. I am trying to shift away from negativity. Pray for a more positive outlook next time.

Heavenly Father I thank You for friends and family. I pray that You be with Rob as he goes to the doctor tomorrow. That they will find whats wrong with him so he can move on. He does not like this handicap but I know Your will is being done. I ask for Your healing hand on Jeff. He is Your faithful servant and wonderful person. Wrap Your arms around him and bring him comfort during this time. I pray for a safe pregnancy for Sarah. Show her Your love and grace. I continue to ask for prayers for Ricky. I know Your hand is in us moving to another doctor and We thank You for that. We ask these all in the name of Your precious Son Jesus
Amen

Trying to be positive...really.

I mean it. I am trying to be positive. Part of it is just not taking things so personally. That's an ongoing battle though. Its just that I am sick of being the only one working. I am tired of the apartment looking like a dump and sick of having to do it all. Some days I just want a break from everyone. Its gotten to the point where I dread weekends because it just means going back to work. Something is seriously wrong to be at this point right now.

Last Sunday we went to visit my dad. That was depressing because of some of the things said. He is still convinced that Ricky is slacking around and does not want to work. We talked and he thinks that Ricky is getting a free ride because he is unemployed. There are some days I feel that but I know its not the case. Also Dad does not have a personal relationship with the Lord. He makes disparaging comments about Christians. He calls them religious nuts and says they are overbearing and demanding. I told him that not all of us are like that and it was not fair to give that stereotype to people. He countered that by saying its the Christians fault for this image. Yeah that really is uplifting to hear from a father. Not to mention that he complained about this one lady he was seeing because she was conservative. Translation: She won't jump in bed on the first date. Dad is a good person. So why he settles for people who are superficial and shallow and tosses the good women out the window is beyond me. I am praying for him.

Work is a challenge. We just had a shift bid. I am on the bottom of list meaning I got stuck with a really crappy shift. Starting August 30th I will be working a 4 by 10 shift. That wouldn't be so bad but throw in every Sunday it blows. I get to miss worship services. I am not pleased about that at all. Also I talked with one of my coworkers on switching days because he works every Saturday. He does not want to switch unless I beg him. I will try to make the best of it by finding a church to go to on Saturdays. Also our new manager wants to micromanage everything. Part of it was that there were complaints about our team so things are changing. But one thing I am really steamed about is that we are unable to listen to music at work. It already sucks that church is being taken away but the Christian music is out of the question. I would listen to KCBI or KTIS at work to lift me up. But nope we have to be professional, have people look up to us blah blah blah. Yeah whatever. As for the complaints I don't know what they are about. I made mistakes but I did my job. I did not just play around. There are more changes but it may not seem "professional" to mention them. Wouldn't want to offend the higher ups.

Some good news for a change. Ricky saw a new doctor who seems more promising. This guy actually takes time to explain what is going on. He prescribed Ricky with medicine to help the spasms. The good thing about that is its safe and wont cause side affects like some prior medications. We hope to get this nipped in the bud. This ailment has taken over our life.

I am trying to be positive. So I am cutting it short before I start venting and saying things I will regret.

Heavenly Father,
I know You have a plan for us. I ask that it is revealed in some form. We are lost and broken and cannot go on. We pray for Your guidance and love during this time. I ask this in Jesus Name. Amen

Spiritual Attacks

I am so glad that I have a relationship with our Heavenly Father. If I did not, I am not sure where I would be. I have had some spiritual attacks lately. One was Saturday morning at the retreat where my heart started pounding and I went into panic mode. It was odd because I had no reason to have an anxiety attack. Then Saturday night I had a very bad dream that included evil temptations. Sunday night I had another nightmare with the same evil things from the Saturday night dream. Tonight was really bad because I started becoming really paranoid and could not concentrate on my work. I called Rob Rion to request a song and right after I hung up, I started to freak out and wonder if I said something wrong. I was over analyzing my conversation with him and was psyching myself out. It was scaring me really bad. So I called back in to ask for prayers. The paranoia and anxiety has been a constant battle for most of my life. The doctors want to put me on drugs I can't afford. I understand that the Lord gave us doctors to help us so I should be receptive to that. But I don't know. I feel like Satan has been attacking me at every turn. He wants to put doubts in my head and really psyche me out. I will not let the enemy attack me though. I have prayed fervently. I want to get over this paranoia and anxiety because I don't want it to run my life.

Heavenly Father I know You are with me. I thank You every day for the blessings You give me. Show me the way and help me to discard these feelings. I ask this in Jesus name

Amen

Roller coaster worthy

Yes it has been a roller coaster. If you ever rode the Texas Giant its one of the roughest rides a person will ever ride. You miss the fun factor because you are focusing on not getting your back knocked out of place. That's how my week has been. Topsy turvy but no fun.

First I had to go to First United Methodist Church of Bedford to seek assistance. The church gave us some food to get us by. Plus a nice lady slipped me 10 dollars for gas. Its not much its better than not getting to work at all. I am not ashamed that I had to get help but I don't like depending on others to pay my bills and put groceries in the house.

Also I asked my step mother for money to help with the rent. If it wasn't for her we probably would have been homeless. I have been consistently late for the past few months. It is not something I am proud of. I am trying to make ends meet but it is so hard to do when I am the the only one working. Lana did not give us any stipulations. In fact she thanked me for helping her for getting discounted phone service through my company where I work. I am able to do that for up to 10 people.

I was about to throw in the towel and swallow my pride. I was going to make the decision to move in with Ricky's mom. She dropped a bombshell on us and told us that she will only have us live there if we commit to a year with her. That means giving her my wages and basically being under her thumb for a long time. I was really angry because she did not mention this when she offered. She also had the nerve to make rude comments about how Ricky and I bummed off of her while we lived there the first time. I was working at Tom Thumb then and could barely afford my bills, let alone hers. Not to mention that she started this conflict at work! She always pulls a stunt like this and I am sick of it. It doesn't matter now because she gave up her house and it will be gone by October. She blames Ricky for her financial issues. Part of the reason why she is in her mess is because of her decisions. Just like Ricky and I. We weren't wise with our money so that is partly why we are struggling now. I can admit that. But I am trying to fix it and not blame everyone else for our mistakes. She has tried to be nicer. I have been civil but it will be a long time before I would ever trust her again. She has always put down Ricky and manipulated him. Its not happening any more.

The doctors continue to be clueless as to what is going on with Ricky. We are seeking a second opinion and starting over with a new person. He cannot continue to suffer and be in limbo. It has caused so much disruption in our life. I will admit part of it is I wish I could have some help easing the financial burden. That is not why though I want Ricky to get better. I want him around for a long time. Plus he would be so much happier if he was not in pain all the time. The upside to all of this is that his relationship with God has continued to grow stronger. Knowing where he will go after this life is a comfort. But right now I want us to enjoy life together.

Meri continues to be with Nick. I don't know how to feel about this anymore. There is really nothing I can say. She does not listen.

In my KCBI paragraph I have a praise report. Lisa is doing well. I talked to Jeff on Friday morning and he said she is waiting for stitches to come out. He said they got all of the canccer out. His mom is going through the same thing but its possible they can remove the tumor. So I am so glad for him. I have prayed for Lisa, Jeff, and Elaine (Jeff's mom) frequently. Also Jeff handled himself beautifully on Friday morning when the station was experiencing technical difficulties. The computer had gotten a virus over the weekend and we kept experience dead air on our end. Also when I called in to the station, the first few times the phone would pick up but no one would be there. Then I tried again. The phone picked up but I could hear Jeff on the phone with someone else. I kept hanging up because I did not feel right listening. So finally I called back in and told him the issue. He started getting upset because he was just going through so much that night! So after hastily hanging up with me he apologized on air and started praying. He sounded really upset. However if the devil thought he could affect Jeff's ministry, he did not succeed. Jeff has a way about him that can reach out even during the toughest times. The devil just thought he won but he did not realize who he was dealing with. Not to mention the fact that Jeff had listeners praying fervently for him. God prevails no matter what.

I went on a retreat this past weekend. I stayed in a house in Round Top with Sheila who is a friend of my dad. Sheila paid for my ticket and I have to figure out what to do in return. It was a nice relaxing weekend. I had a few issues but overall God got me through. I had an anxiety attack on Saturday morning but after praying and taking a few breaths I calmed down. Then Sheilas daughter seemed to rub me the wrong way. She was nice but very negative and unhappy with everything. She is also a spoiled girl as well. This is not to be negative but its true. That got to me a little bit but I kept my cool. I did not want to be disrespectful. The retreats theme was Wearing God's Love. I learned some things about myself I am not proud of. I will be working on a self improvement plan spiritually and physically. God's presence was at that retreat. I will be going back to work refreshed.

Updates will keep coming . I continue to pray for my friends and family.

Heavenly Father I come before you with the old garments disposed. I ask that You guide me in my walk with You. Help me to be a child You would be proud of. I thank You for the weekend I had. I was blessed to worship You in a setting that could very well be heaven on earth. I also want to continue to lift up Jeff. He is Your servant and he needs to know that he is doing Your work in a wonderful way. I continue to pray for Ricky. I pray that the doctors will find something so he can move on. Also I pray that You would guide him in a more positive direction right now. I thank You for Your Son who gave us Life and the privelidge to come before You. Its is in Jesus name I pray,

Amen

Not sure what to do

I am glad I am a Christian. If I wasn't I would probably be worse off. I say this the because knowing that God is on my side in these trying times has kept me from jumping off a cliff. Believing in God does not mean everything goes away. Rather its accepting Jesus as your Saviour and understanding that the trials we are given are to strengthen us. Being frustrated when things don't work out the way you would like does not make someone a bad person. Questions of why God does things is human. It makes me mad that there are people out there who say that you are a sinner if you get upset. Let me be the first to say that we are all sinners, hence the reason for Jesus. However His love is so great that he can HANDLE us during our times of stress and trials. If someone is telling you that you are not a Christian for being upset they are WRONG. I will say if you drown in self pity though that isn't biblical either. These past few weeks I have gotten close to feeling sorry for my self but my friends have helped me not sink into a pity party. But here is an update.

Ricky and I got into a huge argument on Tuesday. There are days he feels just fine and I get frustrated because he is not working. We are so behind on bills its not funny. After paying every other bill this past weekend, I don't have money for the rent. I can pay it next pay check but that means stupid late fees again. I told Ricky to PLEASE find a part time job. I cannot continue to work and keep up the bills. His response was for us to move in with his mother. Every time I hear that suggestion from him or her I get so mad. I accused him of not wanting to work and living like a bum. I know that was not wise but I am almost out of patience with our financial challenges. We started hollering and screaming at each other. He called me selfish and uncaring. He threatened to leave me but then said "I am only staying with you for insurance purposes. " So that started another round of ugliness and screaming. So because of that argument I was an hour late and got grief from my coworkers. I cried the whole day because I hate fighting with Ricky. We talked it over later and apologized to each other. Of course we are staying together. But that argument was just a reminder that I shouldn't try to control everything.

Today was just another reminder that Ricky's condition is real and there is something wrong. He could barely get out of bed today. I ended up going to church without him because he could barely move. So I feel guilty for accusing him of laziness. Its just that the pain is so inconsistent. He is living in limbo. He does not want to get a job outside of the home because of the condition he is in. What makes me mad about all of this is that Ricky's mom may get her victory temporarily. She has wanted us to live with her ever since the day we got married. I am sorry but I feel like we need our own place. But with the bills piling up I cannot afford to keep this apartment after October. Plus I owe 2 places money that may keep me from getting another place to live. So until we catch up we may have to pack up our things in storage and move in with hher. Let me make it clear though it will NOT be permanent. We will actively pursue another place to live while living there. I will try to make the best of the situation but it does not mean I have to like it. It makes me angry just thinking about it but I know that God's will is for us to be protected. I know in my heart that He does not expect us to live there forever. So starting in August we will start packing up stuff and moving it to storage over the next two months. I am crying as I type this because this not something I am thrilled with. Plus I have to deal with Ricky's mom being smug and making comments. Oh and I don't want to even think of what Dad might say. Dad has had it out for Ricky ever since the day that I was proposed to. That's another story for another day. But I know I can deal with this. It really sucks but there is a bright light at the end of the tunnel.

Work is challenging. We got a new manager last week. There will be changes in the way we do things. Maybe the childish bickering and snobbishness will stop too. I sometimes feel like I am in high school because some of my coworkers act like they are part of the cool kids crowd. The way they act and talk is reminiscent of my teen years. I have learned that even as adults there are people who have not grown up yet.

I have been sick this past week. I hope i can get better with over the counter meds because I am not able to afford even a doctors visit. I have congestion, sore throat and my jaw feels like I have been punched. I think a wisdom tooth may be fighting for its place in my mouth. Hope I feel better soon.

Rob Rion is traveling in Minnesota. We talked before he left and he was really awesome. He said that he considers Ricky and I friends. Rob and I work almost the same shift so approximately at 9:45 once or twice a week I will call and make my night request. If he is busy we will just exchange pleasantries. If he is not we will catch up on whats happening in our lives. He always prays for us and continues to get our requests. Yes if anyone was curious he is married. Jeff Day has been on vacation for 2 weeks. I am anxious to hear about Lisa. Jeff's wife has skin cancer and last time I heard she was in remission. So I hope she stays there. Jeff is an asset to KCBI and people love him. I pray for them frequently. I also met Scott Broyles via phone. He does production work around the station. Now this guy was just too cool. He is like me and loves to talk. We spoke for about 15 minutes! What an awesome person. He is the example of Christ's love. He is Ricky's age and is married with 2 kids and a third one on the way. Believe me I only called to request a song and ask how he was doing. But I found out so much more from him. He was willing to share some of his personal life with me. I wont publish it on here out of respect but I will say it was a blessing. Him and his wife Sarah are in my prayers. Michelle O'Connell is another person I have met. She was covering for Jeff Day last week and was upset because she had to wake up an engineer for assistance. She is such a nice person. Contrary to how this sounds I am not some crazy nut that has nothing better to do with my time than call stations. I have called to get a Bible verse or make a song choice. But some of the people I talk to will open up to me. Its great! I still thank the Lord for leading me to KCBI. I just turned it on one day and never changed the channel. I am glad I did.

Maria and Paul are doing good. Paul got a job at Best Buy. I am glad things are going their way. Maria and I have poured out our troubles to each other and spoke about the trials in our lives. She never gives me stupid phrases or tells me fake junk. She is a real example of a Christian. She does not put on airs or try to tell the people that they are wrong for being upset. I wish they were here in Texas but I know God is utilizing their talents in Florida. Oh come on who am I kidding! They are in FLORIDA! Near the BEACH! Of course they wouldn't come to Texas! I am not fooled you two! :-) You may think you are fooling me by saying you are doing Gods work. But the truth comes out! Fun in the sun all day! Really I am just teasing because their life story has been anything but beach fun. I continue to pray for them.

Meri is still with Nick. I understand why she stayed here in DFW because if she lived with her mom she would never learn independence. Her mom loves her but freaks out if Meri wants to walk to the Library. How old are we now? Last time I checked 26 was legal adult age. Ricky and I offered our home to her again but she refused because she wanted to stay with Nick. Now I did not give that ultimatum of breaking up with him. Ricky did. I understand why he did too because Ricky does not want drugs around our home. Plus Nick made some mistakes that make Ricky leery of trusting him. Its a messy situation. I hope they work their differences out. I have ceased in giving advice in her situation. It didn't help so I will just be a friend from afar.

I will be going on a retreat next weekend. I cant wait. Some spiritual refreshment will be welcome after the past two months. I have a friend who offered to pay for it. She actually insisted so I couldn't pass her up on it. I will report after I get back.

Heavenly Father, We continue to praise You for all of Your great work. We know you are the Great Physician and that Your will be done in all of our situations. I want to lift up Jeff and Lisa again. I am thankful they were able to have a couple of weeks of restoration. I know You had a hand in making sure he could be restored to do Your work. I pray for safe travel for Rob. I also pray for a safe return home to DFW for him. I lift up Scott and Sarah as they are anticipating a new life! I pray that the pregnancy is uneventful for her and for a healthy child. I also lift up Paul and Maria. They are moving in the right direction but I pray that they can be financially assisted in some way so they can continue to go forward. I ask for continued healing on my mother who is in the hospital. She and I may not have a close relationship but I still want her to be restored. I pray she knows you as Lord and Saviour. Finally I ask for continued healing on Ricky and I. We need healing in our marriage because we are falling apart due to our finances. We ask for Your continued blessing and hand on Ricky as he is battling this unknown condition. I pray that You will give the doctors wisdom to find out what is wrong so he can be free of this prison he is in. Lord we thank You for Jesus who loved us so much to give his life for us. In the midst of all of this we remember the sacrifice. It is His name we ask all of this in,

Amen.

And the stress continues

Okay this blog is supposed to be encouraging. Right now though I do not feel the least bit ready to give false platitudes. I also don't want to act like everything is okay when it seems uncertain. 1st Peter 5:7 says Cast all your anxieties on God for He cares for you (NIV). I have asked Him for direction but have not gotten a response. Or if I have I hadn't been listening because the saga continues. We keep having to give the apartment complex money we don't have because they charge way too much in late fees. It sucks because I have to pay late fees to make sure other things like electricity, car, Internet, and phone are paid. Those things are important. 3 of them contribute to my job. If I have to work from home, the Internet stays on so I can dock the computer. The car needs to paid so I can get to work. The phone is for people to get a hold of me when I am working. It is a vicious cycle. Plus the gas prices are so ridiculous!! I feel like throwing up my hands and giving up but I know I cannot. We have had to borrow money from 3 people to keep afloat. Well that was not a good idea because Ricky's mom wants us to move in with her so it will be better. IF that happened it would be temporary. She has been shooting for us to move in with her since the beginning. I am sorry but I am not jumping up for joy at this idea. She says it would be our house but she would just live there. I don't think I am buying that for a second. She always had a problem with her son doing his own thing. She got angry when he got his own bank account. She flipped a lid when he moved out. Now she wants him back in because she makes comments about him OWING her and blaming him for her own problems. Sorry but I do not want to live with that. The thought of moving in with her has caused about 10 anxiety attacks and crying at work. Also we owe money to various places that may keep us from moving on. So its a vicious cycle all around.

Meri still wants to stay with Nick. She wants to give him another chance even after they pretty much crashed and burned. It seems like Nick is more important than the kids. Every decision made has had Nick's name on it. I finally cut off her phone. I am not going to support a vagabond lifestyle anymore. Those kids need her and I am sick of the stupid "poor me" excuses. She has emotional problems like I do but she is not so messed up that she cannot take care of the kids. Those kids do not need to be in Alabama. However I am not able to say anything. Its not my life. Besides no one listens to me anyway so whats the point?

Ricky is still hurting as well. However I am getting tired of being the only one working. Here is why. I feel like sometimes Ricky does not want to return to the work force so he hides behind his illness. I don't know because I can't feel his pains like he does but every time I mention working from home or any other thing, he says "no too bad can't work". Its not even the money but its the fact that he wants to continue putting himself down. It gets old fast and I want to shake him and tell him that he is worthy. But this time is trying for both of us. The doctors still cannot find whats wrong and keep plying him with pills. We are unable to afford the prescriptions even with insurance. So I am getting stressed by the minute.

We went to the Steven Curtis Chapman concert. That was the bright spot of the week. That guy has gone through a lot with losing his little girl. It does not matter that he has money or that he is famous. He almost lost it at the concert talking about Maria. Losing a child is awful no matter who you are. Steven can sing and is multi-talented. He treated us to antidotes of his life and an acoustic performance. We paid for the tickets but Steven did not get a dime. He agreed to do the concert for free. Proceeds went to the Mid Cities Pregnancy Center. That was a very memorable performance. We want to see him again. I would love to see him with Michael W. Smith. It would be awesome!

KCBI continues to be awesome. Rob Rion is so nice. He was really sweet at the concert. Plus he is always cheering us up. We pray for him so he can get more sleep. The poor guy is so overworked. We don't want to lose our favorite DJ to exhaustion!! Jeff Day told me that his wife Lisa is doing well with the cancer treatments. I am so glad to hear that. We prayed for Jeff at church a couple of weeks back. We don't know him personally but the times he took to be nice to me I feel like he is an old friend. I also have been searching for christian radio stations around the country to listen too while we are traveling. I have found about 10 so far but WJIE in Louisville has stood out the most. Plus I can stream WJIE if I want to listen to music. KCBI has great teachings but there will be days I want music. I still listen to other stuff but knowing the scoop on uplifting music is great! WPOZ 88.3 is awesome as well. So little things like radio station searching has helped me some what.

Work is....work. I am getting my resume together and I am going to start job hunting. Mostly because I feel like I need to go some where else. Sprint has not been bad at all. In fact it is a good job. I am getting depressed and antsy. Ricky and I want a change of scenery from Texas. Not to mention wanting to get out of this ridiculous overpriced apartment. It doesn't help that we have had to call the cops on the neighbors. A change will be good. Some year I want to go back to school as well. I did not mean to drop out. I just took a semester off and it turned into 4 years. Sigh...I want to cry. Its depressing seeing people your age with doctorates and professional positions. Also it sucks when you are around people who flash their money. Go back to a previous post where I mentioned how that impacted me.

The previous paragraphs may sound like me drowning in self pity but that is not my intention. I promise. I just vented my frustrations. Not sure if it helped but I feel a little better. I pray for all of us. I hope things work out soon.

Heavenly Father, Even in my darkest moments I know You are here with me. I thank You for Your everlasting love. I continue to lift up Meri and Nick. May they know You and accept Your love. Continue to put Your healing hand on Ricky. His spirit needs healing as well as his body. I pray for Lisa's continued recovery and Jeff during this trial. I lift up Rob and Kandy as well. I pray that You can help Rob get some sleep. I ask this all in Jesus Holy Name

Amen

Must learn to control stress

Things are not as bad as they could be. However I feel so overwhelmed with being the only one working, living in a place that is awful, and trying to catch up on bills. Work is stressful because my coworkers are wary of me. I am praying for some direction on where we are supposed to go.

Last week, my friend Meri called me because she was very sick and needed to be taken to the hospital. She proceeded to tell me about her relationship with Nick and how it is going south. Right now she is in a situation where things aren't looking very bright but can be changed. She is scared to learn how to drive, afraid of responsibility, and is depressed. She is my friend and I want wants best for her but these things can't change unless there is effort. I have been praying for her and hoping some how she will move past the slump she is in. Both Nick and Meri have unresolved problems which is affecting them and snuffing out hope of any healthy relationship. I am not saying its impossible to overcome these issues but it will be rocky. The other thing I have a problem with is that Nick ditched Meri during a very crucial point in her life. Sure things happen but there really was no excuse. I pray that they find direction. Honestly I feel like they need to be single and work their problems out. If its meant to be then they will be together again. This situation makes me stressed because I have tried to help so many times and it seems to get overlooked. So I have to step back and let them make their own mistakes.

Ricky still is suffering. He gets abdomen pains every other day and they keep him in bed. His side is inflamed according to the doctor. He has been taking antibiotics. If the medicine does not help the swelling, he may be going in for surgery. I hate seeing him suffer. He feels useless because he is not working. I do not hold that against him or accuse him of slacking anymore because I have seen evidence of this constant pain. Before I felt like he did not want to work and was exaggerating the issue. But seeing him walk like an old man on his bad days and his face contorted with pain is too much. He has so many people lifting him up in prayer. We also had him anointed with oil. However he made a comment last night that he was healthy spiritually. So I know God is working with us. Its no fun waiting but God on our side has made the road less bumpy.

I had to make another payment arrangement with the apartment complex and ask for money again. I tried to go through the charities in Tarrant County but no luck. I make too much money. I know there are people worse off so I wont get too angry. At least someone was willing to help us out. The downside is we will hear snide remarks later on. At this point though we cannot afford to be homeless.

How many times must I go on about the awesomeness of KCBI? Well so many because its a radio station that's become so much more. The people are so sweet. I got the privilege of meeting John McLain, Sharon Geiger, and Terry Barrett of the morning show. I was able to tell them that they were the reason I started listening. You see before I started working nights, I would listen to the morning show on my way to work and would never change it. I enjoyed the music and the inspiration that keeps pouring out. They were as nice as can be. The station's motto is "the music and ministry you can trust" That is certainly the case. I love most of the teachings and the music selection is nice. Plus the fact they pray on air, it is uplifting especially if I do not have a prayer buddy around. Rob Rion has been so kind through out the past month. Today I was so stressed I accidentally dialed the station instead of Ricky. I burst into tears and he calmed me down and said that it will be okay. He proceeded to make me laugh and wish me a better day. The coolest thing though is that Rob continues to get my prayer requests that I send in. Every single time he gets it. There is a reason behind this. God is using Rob in a mighty way. Also Jeff Day has been a sweetheart as well. He did a special dedication for me last night. Jeff is a little more reserved than Rob but he is still quite friendly. I am praying for his wife Lisa because she was diagnosed with skin cancer. He said she was doing well. I pray that will continue to be the case.

Ricky and I are going to see Steven Curtis Chapman next Friday. This will be an uplifting experience for us. We need something positive after all of the stress. The proceeds from the concert will benefit the Mid Cities Pregnancy Center. So we weren't frittering our money away when we bought the tickets. We were able to contribute in the midst of our own problems.

I know things will get better. I feel that when I update in the future it will be good news.

Heavenly Father, we thank You for the continued love You give. We know You are with us even when times are tough. Please continue to be there for Meri during her tough relationship and reveal Yourself to her. I also want to lift up Lisa and Jeff. I pray for healing for Lisa and support for Jeff as he continues to be Your humble servant. We are thankful for his inspiration. I want to pray for Sharon, John, and Terri as they serve You faithfully each day. I lift up Rob as he is lacking sleep. Please show him an opportunity to rest so he can be healthy and serve You. I ask for blessings on Kandy as she is his wife and supporter. Finally I want to thank you for Ricky. He has been the best blessing I could ever have. I pray for healing for him and that he knows he is worthy. Thank you Father for your many blessings and your Son Jesus for it is in His name we pray,

Amen

Something fun!

I want to do a light hearted post for once. So today I am reviewing a restaurant. Ricky and I took a drive after church today. We always do that. Probably not the best thing to do during this time but we love to explore the country. Taking drives are some of our best past times. We talk the most on these. When we are out and about we seem to stumble on interesting places to eat. Today we ended up in Cleburne and decided to get a small bite to eat. We stopped at a little barbecue joint called Buffalo Creek. This place is not for people who expect upscale service. This was bare bones at its finest. you walk up to the counter to order your food and a tattooed woman with the personality of a grizzly bear takes your order and prepares it at the same time. Then you take your food to the table. The food was awesome. I ordered a chopped barbecue sandwich. Was it huge! I could not finish it. Ricky ordered a two meat plate of turkey and ham. I sampled his plate. Ricky was still hungry so he got a ham sandwich. It seems that barbecue is the only thing that won't hurt Ricky's stomach so if we are out and about and have the extra money we will try a new place. Two other places to name drop are Sammie's and Angelo's. Both places are in Fort Worth. I wish I could be like that guy on Food Network that gets paid to do this! :) Trust me Ricky and I have eaten out a lot. We know how to find the best places. We even can tell you where not to go. Especially the time we went to a Chinese buffet and there were McDonald's Chicken Nuggets on the BUFFET! Are you kidding me? That was weird to say the least. Also if you like barbecue I would not go to Pappa's BBQ. Stick to the mom and pop places. Even if you have to put up with interesting personalities. :)

Our freedom

Today is July 4th. Of course its an important day for the U.S. Many people will be out grilling, camping, swimming and any other out door activity you can think of. Ricky and I are going to spend it with my dad and his friend. We wanted to visit Sarah but finances did not allow. We did observe Independence Day a week early. Last week we went to a church service that honored our veterans. It was very moving. We got to hear a testimony from a guy who was in the Desert Storm and Bosnia conflicts. There was a museum with momentos from different veterans. I normally would not even think to go to a service of this nature. However we were invited. That leads to the next amazing thing.

I finally found the Bible Verses that Rob Rion read over the air. I was so excited that I called the station and told him. Rob said he would mark it in his Bible as the Candice verse. We had been talking because I would call in to request a song and he would remember me and carry on a conversation. This time he asked what I was doing over the weekend and I told him that we weren't doing much of anything. He invited Ricky and I to his church for the service previously mentioned. I was so happy! I said we will be there. Before the service started I introduced myself to him and held my hand out to shake. He said "No let me give you a hug!" After the service was over I brought Ricky to him and us 3 had a nice talk. Rob was very nice and courteous. I am not sure what God meant for this meeting but in time He will answer. Ricky and I were pleased but baffled when we were invited. That was a moment I will never forget.

Ricky's Cat scan came back with a high liver count and imflamation. He is supposed to take an antibiotic for 2 weeks. If it does not fix anything then he may be operated on. I pray he can be healed. He wants to get out of this limbo. We know God has his reasons for this. Some positive things have came out of this. Ricky and I have grown closer to God. That in itself is a great thing. We have faith that something will work out for Rickys health.

Work has been stressful of course. I think part of it is that I am too hard on myself. The other part is that my boss intimidates me. I feel like the step child on our team. It makes me sad. Plus I had exchanged words with a couple of team members. Ugly things were said to me. I am letting it go but being careful. I just want to be treated with respect and not be talked to like I am 2. Is that too much to ask? I pray for my team members.

Well today is a good day. We have these wonderful freedoms. I am blessed to be able to spread the word of God and not be thrown in jail for it. I want to shout in victory for Jesus and His great gift. Also our military deserves prayers and grattitude for fighting to keep our nation safe.

Heavenly Father, We thank You for our military and for what they do for our country. We pray for their salvation if they do not know You. We are also thankful for our friends who our there for us. Continue to bless Rob Rion and Jeff Day in the work they do. Also touch Ricky and heal him. Pour Your mercy on him Father. We thank you for Jesus who is the way, the truth and the life. Its in His holy name we pray

Amen

Its the weekend....Finally

Well I took two days off to make a 4 day weekend. We are still broke and poor but I feel like with Gods presence we will get better. Ricky had a CAT scan today. If the doctor does not find anything he will start testing on Ricky extensively. If Doctor Bass does not find anything I will suggest a second opinion. Its time to get out of this limbo. I don't think the doctors get it. They just say "eat right and don't drink soda" He could eat salads all day and still have abdomen pain. It is getting frustrating. Prayer has been constant. I have not lost faith but I get discouraged at times. The great thing about God is that He can handle our anger and discouragement. He understands. He wants us to trust in Him but He knows our thoughts and feelings. I pray for some answers to Ricky's ailment.

I had an interesting email today. I sent a prayer request for Paul and Maria to KCBI and someone actually responded back. That's abnormal because usually the station reads them over the air. It was very uplifting. They said "we will be praying for Paul and Maria! Tell them they are not alone! God is STILL ABLE!" I am not kidding. Isn't that awesome? I love KCBI. Its an awesome station. Rob Rion is so cool when I request a song. Plus he still ends up with my requests. That is God's hand.

More to come soon! God Bless!

Heavenly Father we just thank You for all of Your blessings! We are humbled and awed by what You do for us. We thank you in the name of Jesus,

Amen

Stressed

So its been awhile. Mainly because I have been stressed. So much is going on. I don't know where to begin.

My job is stressful. I have to deal with higher up managers if something goes wrong. They have my phone number so if they wanted to get a hold of me they can. Scary! Also I feel like I have been disappointing my boss. He has not said anything but I am scared I will get pulled into the office and be told otherwise. I was basically thrust into a new position. I was covering for someone for one night and it turned in to a 3 week ordeal. I am scared because its a different position than what I was doing. I don't want to screw it up. I have been going to work crying because of this. My boss has had no issue so far but it still scares me.

My sister Kathy is going through a divorce. That's a blessing because her husband was not a good man. He hurt her and her kids so many times its not funny. Divorce is no fun but I feel God is opening a door for her to get help and build a better life. She was into drugs and alcohol. So I want to help some how. She wants to stay with Ricky and I. As volatile as our tempers are and as dynamic as we can be, her and I would clash. For one, Ricky and I don't allow that stuff in our house. Ricky has stopped drinking completely and I don't want to get involved in chemical enhancement. Our finances are not stable either. So I am praying on an effective way to help.

My mother's chances of fighting her cancer have grown slimmer. She only has the option of chemotherapy. She hasn't given up so there is hope. I am still mixed up about this because we have not had a relationship for most of my life. I have no bitterness with her or anger. So I just pray for some type of miracle. I don't know if she has a personal relationship with Jesus. That has been an uncomfortable topic. I would not know how to ask. I would want to know. If her time is near, its important she establishes that. Giving her heart to God is the best thing you can do. She says she prays every night. That is optimistic

My friend Meri is going through some tough times. She is battling depression. She also lost her great grandmother recently. Her mother has a bone disease and her grandfather has cancer. It is heart breaking but I can't pity her. I have tried to help her with her issues in the past but it has been rebuffed. So I continue to pray for her. All of this stuff that has happened has made her question God. She thinks He does not care. It is hard to comprehend why things happen to good people. I question that at times as well. But I won't indulge anyone who goes on a rant
and blames Him. She has said negative things about church and has not made the necessary steps to move forward in her life. So my heart goes out but not my pity. She has to learn to help her self as well.

Sarah is ecstatic that her boyfriend Rob came back home. Sarah lost her husband over a year ago so she has been through so much. She has had her family use her as a daycare and bank. Also she battles her in laws on a daily basis. They want control of her life and kids. She is surrounded by bitterness. She also shies away from sharing her views on her relationship with God. I continue to pray. The Lord has blessed her even if she has not fully acknowledged it yet.

Sharing God's word is hard. People who have been burned by experiences in the past sometimes have a problem with wanting to hear the Good News. My two best friends have had some unflattering opinions on the subject. I already mentioned Meri's hang up. Sarah had a bad experience in a church and is edgy about the subject. It doesn't help that the in laws don't have a good opinion. I have a friend also named Rob who also has his doubts. When I shared my growing relationship with him, he just sigh ed and said I shouldn't have to change. No one made me change. I felt like I was led to make some alterations. Trying to explain that to some people is equivalent to talking to a wall. Not trying to be rude but its true. Also a rant I have is when people describe God's word as "church and stuff". If you want to pull my chain just say that to me. It isn't "stuff" I will get into more about that later. But I had an experience where Rob said "going to church and stuff is cool but its not for me". See that obnoxious phrase? Maybe its just me but that really just drives me mad.

Ricky has been searching for domains for his ministry. I am excited! Spreading the Word is going to be a challenge but it will be fulfilling. Hopefully we can get this started soon. Also we are finding a way to work at home. We are not fulfilled with our current path in life. Struggling to make it and living the way we do is not pleasing to God. We spend money on eating out because it makes us feel important. We are learning that God wants us to be better stewards of our money. Eating out for me was a status symbol. Because I would remember back at Tom Thumb the rich ladies would come in and say "Lets do lunch!" to each other and talk about great places to go . I would get so envious and vowed to leave Tom Thumb and be able to be those ladies and go to lunch with friends. However I am at Sprint, no longer tied behind a register and I still have that need to prove that I can afford lunch and that I am better for affording things. So buying things has tried to feel a void that God can only do. I struggle with that every day. It causes stress with Ricky and he gets concerned. He has been known to do the same with some video games. This needs prayer. I believe we would fulfill our lives better by channeling our energy toward God's work. Money has been a cross between good and evil.

I am studying the Bible a little more than before. I am intimidated by it! 66 books. Where to start? What I have been doing is listening to KCBI and writing down verses that the DJs quote. I am also praying on how to start a self Bible study. I have been neglectful of giving some of day to His word. This will improve in time.

The journey continues. We are hitting bumps along the way. With God's grace we will rise above these difficulties.

Heavenly Father, I come to you to lift up Meri and her family. Touch their hearts and give them the peace that Mamaw Kennimer is in Your kingdom. Continue to lift up Sarah and Rob as they get to know each other in their relationship. Continue to heal Ricky and give us direction on how to minister to those who do not know You. We want to live to glorify You. Forgive us for our sins and for neglecting You. We ask this in the name of Your Son, Jesus,

Amen

Blessings and Challenges

We are still not where we need to be financially. I don't want to be rich but I would like us to be above water. Being patient with Ricky is not easy. Sometimes I want to lash out and scream but it never does any good. All it causes is more pain and stress. We don't need that right now. I have continued praying for healing and searching for a solution. This is a test of faith.

However God's presence has been known in all the tiny things that happen. The small stuff counts. Checks that come out of nowhere, helping a friend in need, developing a new friendship are just a few signs of His presence. Ricky and I are expanding our Christian music selection. I am a faithful listener of KCBI now. We like almost any music but started actively listening to Christian radio and songs. Also KCBI's on air staff have been a blessing. I feel like God directs Rob Rion to pray for us because every time I send a prayer request in, he ends up getting it. The way the DJs get them is that they receive a list every hour. When I turn on the radio, he was announcing us. If you remember, he took the time to talk to me. Its amazing.

My friend Maria has different experiences with God. She is a faithful Christian. When she shares how God has shown His presence, I can only rejoice knowing that He is awesome. In the past if she (or anyone else) were to relay what happened to them, I would have pointed and laughed because the thought of God appearing in a dream or any other way than what I was used to was not in my line of thinking. I am learning not to put Him in a box.

Ricky and I are still researching ways to start our ministry. Its going to take financial provision, prayer and discipline to do this. We want to serve our Lord and glorify Him. So I will pray for a way to get this started.

We are evaluating where our church home is as well. Its a hard decision because we are rotating between 3 churches and each one calls to us in a different way. I want to get involved in more activities. I really want to do mission work. Ricky wants to use the Internet and minister to the gaming community. More to come as this evolves.

I am considering taking a week off from work because I am getting burned out. I want to restore my spirit and be a better performer of my job. I have been crying and stressed out most of the time. I would love for Ricky and I to go on a retreat and have our hearts revived. Our candle is down to the bottom. We need to refuel our relationship with each other and the Lord. Even as our faith is growing we still are a long way from praying together. I feel this will make a difference in so many ways.

I have not talked to my family much since I got back from East Texas. I am not ready for drama. If I do communicate with them, I will just slip back in depression. I am praying for Gods direction on this. Ignoring my family is not what I have in mind.

If no one has noticed I will be closing most posts with a prayer. My hope is that whoever sees my thoughts with God will not be scared to pray. Its sharing your heart with Him. There are no fancy words or Bible quoting. My prayers are far from eloquent and fancy. So be encouraged to lead in prayer if you are asked. God will not judge you for your vocabulary because He knows your heart.

Heavenly Father, we thank You for our fathers as Fathers day comes up. They have a hard job and we pray that they know Your word. I ask for healing on Ricky's side as it continues to cause him discomfort. Lay Your healing touch on him. We are blessed to have KCBI as a station that glorifies You. Please forgive us for falling short of You and we thank You for sending Your Son down. It is the greatest gift. For it is in Jesus name we pray, Amen

Frustrating week

My week was not as bad as the last one. Its been stressful. At work I was assigned to do one job and I ended up doing 3. I feel like I am failing my boss and I hate that. He has not said anything but I get paranoid easily. Paranoia is something I am trying to work on. I have always been a worrywart so anything goes.

Ricky has not been feeling well. His condition puts him in constant limbo. The doctors have not found anything. Constant prayer from all of our friends and family has kept us going.

When we get more information we will update on Ricky's ministry. Right now we have left in the Lords hands. He has not directed us on where He wants us but we want to live according to His will.

I feel like part of the reason Ricky and I are not where we need to be is because we have been turning our back on what God wants us to do. We have a hard time budgeting because we let our material impulses guide us. My friend Jason pointed out that most people are living to get a temporary satisfaction. He had pointed out if we were just to live how God wants us to be we would be fulfilled all the time. People do not like what God delivers because its not always easy. He is not a genie who grants 3 wishes. Rather He is the One who can bring us eternal life. Even when my problems have gotten to a point where I wanted to throw in the towel, I remember His mercy and grace.


Heavenly Father, forgive us for falling short of You. We are humbled by your mercy and grace. We continue to thank you for your provisions and blessings. In Jesus Name we pray, Amen

Update!

This past week has been eventful. I went to my grandfathers funeral. Actually we were late because Erica's mother in law was taking the long way around Longview. We were 20 minutes late and missed most of the service. That really bothered me. But that was nothing compared to 2 days later.

Ricky and I went to First United Methodist Church in Longview while we were in East Texas. We try to continue going to church services even when we are out of town. With the stress Gods word was really comforting. I found it awesome that my niece Haley wanted to come with us as well. She fidgeted throughout the service. Understandable because the church she goes to is much more informal than what First Methodist provided

The visit was not too bad with my sisters but there is always something that happens that usually puts me in a funk. My mother had surgery on Tuesday. It did not go well because the tumor could not be removed. That news from the doctor was sad enough. It did not help matters that Rhonda called and she was upset about Erica and Kathy. It seems like all of us sisters can never get a long; Its depressing! Well Erica, Kathy and I ended up yelling at each other and saying things we regret in the hospital. That just breaks my heart so bad. Rhonda and Erica exchanged words over the phone as well. I keep praying we can be healed as a family. We have been broken for way too long.

Some great things have happened though. I have been the only one working while Ricky has been out. It seems like God has provided time and time again. We keep getting checks out of nowhere. They seem to come at a time when we are about to be broke and not buy food. It has been a major blessing! Ricky and I have not been active in our walk with God before he got ill so all of this has humbled us. We can never say God has forsaken us. It made me angry I couldn't show Ricky Gods grace. Of course you know our Lord. He has other plans. He said "Leave it to Me".

Ricky has been witnessing on Guild Wars a lot! He is probably one of the best witnesses out there. I could be biased but I feel like its true. :) He is not condemning and he explains Gods love in a way that makes a person want to come to Christ. Most people who witness speak of hellfire and brimstone. The way I was witnessed to spoke of Jesus being my friend. So I am blessed to know that Ricky is making a difference in the lives of others. We just need prayers where we can pray together. He still is scared to do so but I am giving it time.

When I got back to work, I got a sympathy card from my coworkers. It made me laugh because my coworkers from Minnesota and Wisconsin sent Rose a personalized thought for the card. So Rose wrote for Judi. It was cute. I sent a thank you note to the team. Some of them I don't get a long with as well as others but no one is bad.

I had another encounter with Rob Rion last night. He was quoting another scripture on KCBI and I called him to get it right away. I learned my lesson not to wait a week! :) He was just as nice as he was last time and told me he has not forgotten about my first scripture I asked for. That humbled me. We talked again and he was just as cool as the first time. I told him that I am wanting to study the Bible better every time he quotes Scripture. KCBI is such an awesome ministry. They are using a powerful resource: Media. Media has been used as evil for so long, its refreshing to have a station that plays great music and has good teachings. The Lord provided this station to DFW for 33 years. I don't think they are going anywhere.

So with so many things going on in our lives, one thing has remained. God is the same today, tomorrow and always. We are blessed.

Thank you Lord for your many provisions and blessings. We are humbled by your unending grace. Continue to be with us during our journey to minister to others and be with those who need your healing touch. We ask this in Jesus Name

Amen

Today was odd

Today was strange to say the least. It wasn't bad but some incidents happened.

It started out well with me working on the other side of the building. I am getting to know Carmen, James, and Jason well. Its actually quite nice to get to know different people. We are on the same team but I did not talk to them much because I was in a different room with Rose and Bertha. Jason and I are developing a friendship. He is a brother in Christ so its so cool to be able to have another friend to talk to about Jesus. On that subject, Noah and I are communicating again. He even prayed over the phone for me. It was nice. The Lord had His reasons for Matthews (the boss) business decision.

When I got home today, I talked to my sister Alicia. She had mentioned that another sister (Rhonda) of ours had called. Alicia called Rhonda back and delivered some bad news. My grandfather had passed away. My reaction has been weird because I did not see him much but when I did he was so good to Alicia and I. I do have fond memories of him . Part of me was reluctant to go because every time our family gets together something blows up. Its sad and I hate it. I will elaborate more about that another time. The other part of my reaction was that I was freaking out. I was racking my brain trying to figure what to do about my job. I did not want to ask Matthew for bereavement time especially during the weekend of a major project I was supposed to be on. Also on Saturday coverage was slim so I had decided not going to the funeral. I did not want to ask for time off. Ricky encouraged me to do so and not to worry about work. I feel guilty for worrying about work and not crying as most people would. So I called Matthew and got his voicemail. I left an urgent message. 2 minutes later he texted back and ask if he could help me by text messaging. Well considering it was finals night for him at school, that was my only option. So I told him the news and about skipping the funeral. He made arrangements for me to be off and offered his condolences. Then I called Noah and he said his prayer over the phone. After that I drove up to Sprint and Jason prayed with me as well. If you are wondering why my own husband does not pray with me, its because it makes him uncomfortable. we are working on that. God knows what he is doing.

Between the time I found out about the news and going to Sprint, some strange incidents happened. We had decided to take a drive just to get out of the house. We ended up at a railroad crossing and witnessed a police chase. The scary part was that the railroad arms were down and the truck that was being chased zoomed through the crossing and broke one of the arms! If we had been in the right lane, we would have been rear ended really bad. So after we left that area, we ended up witnessing a police car almost rear ending someone. Between all of this I had been calling Erica, texting Matt, and making arrangements we saw an unmarked police car speeding as well. Ricky finally said we are going home and staying in where it is safe!

So I will be attending a funeral and not coming back to work until Thursday. That is going to drive me nuts. If I want that much time off from work, I would have rather taken a vacation. However God is with all of us. Its not just a trite phrase. Its the truth. I know His will is being done. The great thing about Him is that He is big enough to handle our grief and anger but will be there on the other side to comfort us.

Happy Anniversary!

Today I celebrated two years of marriage with Ricky. We had our official anniversary trip last weekend in Galveston. We walked the sea wall, had dinner at sea food restaurants, saw the Titanic exhibit at Moody Gardens and took a ferry ride. We had a great time. We stayed in a cheap motel but it had a view of the gulf. We found some seashells and took a drive on the peninsula. Galveston is not like the Caribbean but it is a very nice place for a vacation. Its just 4 1/2 hours down IH 45. Waking up to ocean waves is awesome! I would love to move to the ocean but we fear hurricanes. Maybe we will end up in a waterfront town some day. We will see where God takes us.

Some other things have happened as well that made me realize God knows what he is doing. To get a little background, as I mentioned I work at Sprint. The center I work at has a low morale due to the various stressful jobs. I have been seeking comfort in knowing that there are fellow Christians in the workplace that will take time to sit and pray with me. Noah, Travis, Rose, and Sean have been my spiritual friends at work. Its been a blessing to talk to any one of them to rejoice Gods love. However recently, the company has been frowning upon many things that make the job bearable. There was an HR meeting that outlined the "proper" behaviors of how a company runs. In this meeting they covered many topics that I find quite ridiculous. For example if you ask someone how they were doing, that could be considered prying into private lives. Or if you give someone a hug, you are liable for sexual harassment. Also don't you dare think about sending a smiley face over IM. Someone might get offended. No personal conversations. You must be focused at all times. Oh yeah, no praying please or saying Have a blessed day. Someone might go to HR and say you are forcing your beliefs on them. Please don't have personal conversations at work. It might be distracting. All of these previous demands that are being taught in businesses are ridiculous! I certainly understand that you are at work to perform a job. I know that we need to keep a level of professionalism as well. However I feel like our rights to be who we are have been infringed on.

With all of this being said, this brings me to the past few weeks of events that reflect some of this . Noah and I have been friends for awhile. We joke around and share personal information. But those stupid pesky rules reared their ugly head first with a coworker commenting on what I say to Noah. Then his manager pulled him into the office and scolded him about me talking at his desk. The problem I have with that is, If I caused the problem, why didn't you address me? Corporate America plays this telephone game where they tell manager 1, ,manager 2, manager 3, specialist 6 and finally you. So I had no idea I was causing any type of problem until Noah brought it to my attention. It put a damper on our friendship and we don't pray any more together or talk much. It is kind of sad. However there are some changes being made to my job structure. I will be sitting in a different part of the building and working with people who I usually don't work with. I started this transition yesterday. It was weird not being in the same room with Noah, Rose, Sean, and Travis. Change is an adjustment so I was having a hard time with it. God knew what He was doing though because He used me today to comfort a friend on the other side of the building. Jason came to work glum. I told him if he needed someone to pray with him, I will be glad too and that we could go outside. He surprised me and said "lets go now!" So I said a prayer for him and he felt better. God wanted me to be a prayer warrior like Noah was for me. The Lord used Noah to help me impact people just the way he was with my husband and I. So all is not lost because Noah was put in my life to help me along the way. So I am optimistic that things are looking up. Noah and I will be friends again some day. As for prayer partners, God wants me to move on and help those just like Noah served me. Praise God for pointing this out!

Every day I experience the smallest things that tell me that God has it and not to worry. I will close with a prayer.

Heavenly Father we praise you for everything you given us. I thank You for bringing Noah to our lives during hard times. Thank You for giving me the opportunity to be a prayer partner to Jason. I ask for continued blessings on our marriage and thank you for touching Ricky's heart. I ask these in the name of Jesus

Amen