Friday, August 1, 2008

Roller coaster worthy

Yes it has been a roller coaster. If you ever rode the Texas Giant its one of the roughest rides a person will ever ride. You miss the fun factor because you are focusing on not getting your back knocked out of place. That's how my week has been. Topsy turvy but no fun.

First I had to go to First United Methodist Church of Bedford to seek assistance. The church gave us some food to get us by. Plus a nice lady slipped me 10 dollars for gas. Its not much its better than not getting to work at all. I am not ashamed that I had to get help but I don't like depending on others to pay my bills and put groceries in the house.

Also I asked my step mother for money to help with the rent. If it wasn't for her we probably would have been homeless. I have been consistently late for the past few months. It is not something I am proud of. I am trying to make ends meet but it is so hard to do when I am the the only one working. Lana did not give us any stipulations. In fact she thanked me for helping her for getting discounted phone service through my company where I work. I am able to do that for up to 10 people.

I was about to throw in the towel and swallow my pride. I was going to make the decision to move in with Ricky's mom. She dropped a bombshell on us and told us that she will only have us live there if we commit to a year with her. That means giving her my wages and basically being under her thumb for a long time. I was really angry because she did not mention this when she offered. She also had the nerve to make rude comments about how Ricky and I bummed off of her while we lived there the first time. I was working at Tom Thumb then and could barely afford my bills, let alone hers. Not to mention that she started this conflict at work! She always pulls a stunt like this and I am sick of it. It doesn't matter now because she gave up her house and it will be gone by October. She blames Ricky for her financial issues. Part of the reason why she is in her mess is because of her decisions. Just like Ricky and I. We weren't wise with our money so that is partly why we are struggling now. I can admit that. But I am trying to fix it and not blame everyone else for our mistakes. She has tried to be nicer. I have been civil but it will be a long time before I would ever trust her again. She has always put down Ricky and manipulated him. Its not happening any more.

The doctors continue to be clueless as to what is going on with Ricky. We are seeking a second opinion and starting over with a new person. He cannot continue to suffer and be in limbo. It has caused so much disruption in our life. I will admit part of it is I wish I could have some help easing the financial burden. That is not why though I want Ricky to get better. I want him around for a long time. Plus he would be so much happier if he was not in pain all the time. The upside to all of this is that his relationship with God has continued to grow stronger. Knowing where he will go after this life is a comfort. But right now I want us to enjoy life together.

Meri continues to be with Nick. I don't know how to feel about this anymore. There is really nothing I can say. She does not listen.

In my KCBI paragraph I have a praise report. Lisa is doing well. I talked to Jeff on Friday morning and he said she is waiting for stitches to come out. He said they got all of the canccer out. His mom is going through the same thing but its possible they can remove the tumor. So I am so glad for him. I have prayed for Lisa, Jeff, and Elaine (Jeff's mom) frequently. Also Jeff handled himself beautifully on Friday morning when the station was experiencing technical difficulties. The computer had gotten a virus over the weekend and we kept experience dead air on our end. Also when I called in to the station, the first few times the phone would pick up but no one would be there. Then I tried again. The phone picked up but I could hear Jeff on the phone with someone else. I kept hanging up because I did not feel right listening. So finally I called back in and told him the issue. He started getting upset because he was just going through so much that night! So after hastily hanging up with me he apologized on air and started praying. He sounded really upset. However if the devil thought he could affect Jeff's ministry, he did not succeed. Jeff has a way about him that can reach out even during the toughest times. The devil just thought he won but he did not realize who he was dealing with. Not to mention the fact that Jeff had listeners praying fervently for him. God prevails no matter what.

I went on a retreat this past weekend. I stayed in a house in Round Top with Sheila who is a friend of my dad. Sheila paid for my ticket and I have to figure out what to do in return. It was a nice relaxing weekend. I had a few issues but overall God got me through. I had an anxiety attack on Saturday morning but after praying and taking a few breaths I calmed down. Then Sheilas daughter seemed to rub me the wrong way. She was nice but very negative and unhappy with everything. She is also a spoiled girl as well. This is not to be negative but its true. That got to me a little bit but I kept my cool. I did not want to be disrespectful. The retreats theme was Wearing God's Love. I learned some things about myself I am not proud of. I will be working on a self improvement plan spiritually and physically. God's presence was at that retreat. I will be going back to work refreshed.

Updates will keep coming . I continue to pray for my friends and family.

Heavenly Father I come before you with the old garments disposed. I ask that You guide me in my walk with You. Help me to be a child You would be proud of. I thank You for the weekend I had. I was blessed to worship You in a setting that could very well be heaven on earth. I also want to continue to lift up Jeff. He is Your servant and he needs to know that he is doing Your work in a wonderful way. I continue to pray for Ricky. I pray that the doctors will find something so he can move on. Also I pray that You would guide him in a more positive direction right now. I thank You for Your Son who gave us Life and the privelidge to come before You. Its is in Jesus name I pray,


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