Friday, June 27, 2008

Its the weekend....Finally

Well I took two days off to make a 4 day weekend. We are still broke and poor but I feel like with Gods presence we will get better. Ricky had a CAT scan today. If the doctor does not find anything he will start testing on Ricky extensively. If Doctor Bass does not find anything I will suggest a second opinion. Its time to get out of this limbo. I don't think the doctors get it. They just say "eat right and don't drink soda" He could eat salads all day and still have abdomen pain. It is getting frustrating. Prayer has been constant. I have not lost faith but I get discouraged at times. The great thing about God is that He can handle our anger and discouragement. He understands. He wants us to trust in Him but He knows our thoughts and feelings. I pray for some answers to Ricky's ailment.

I had an interesting email today. I sent a prayer request for Paul and Maria to KCBI and someone actually responded back. That's abnormal because usually the station reads them over the air. It was very uplifting. They said "we will be praying for Paul and Maria! Tell them they are not alone! God is STILL ABLE!" I am not kidding. Isn't that awesome? I love KCBI. Its an awesome station. Rob Rion is so cool when I request a song. Plus he still ends up with my requests. That is God's hand.

More to come soon! God Bless!

Heavenly Father we just thank You for all of Your blessings! We are humbled and awed by what You do for us. We thank you in the name of Jesus,


Sunday, June 22, 2008


So its been awhile. Mainly because I have been stressed. So much is going on. I don't know where to begin.

My job is stressful. I have to deal with higher up managers if something goes wrong. They have my phone number so if they wanted to get a hold of me they can. Scary! Also I feel like I have been disappointing my boss. He has not said anything but I am scared I will get pulled into the office and be told otherwise. I was basically thrust into a new position. I was covering for someone for one night and it turned in to a 3 week ordeal. I am scared because its a different position than what I was doing. I don't want to screw it up. I have been going to work crying because of this. My boss has had no issue so far but it still scares me.

My sister Kathy is going through a divorce. That's a blessing because her husband was not a good man. He hurt her and her kids so many times its not funny. Divorce is no fun but I feel God is opening a door for her to get help and build a better life. She was into drugs and alcohol. So I want to help some how. She wants to stay with Ricky and I. As volatile as our tempers are and as dynamic as we can be, her and I would clash. For one, Ricky and I don't allow that stuff in our house. Ricky has stopped drinking completely and I don't want to get involved in chemical enhancement. Our finances are not stable either. So I am praying on an effective way to help.

My mother's chances of fighting her cancer have grown slimmer. She only has the option of chemotherapy. She hasn't given up so there is hope. I am still mixed up about this because we have not had a relationship for most of my life. I have no bitterness with her or anger. So I just pray for some type of miracle. I don't know if she has a personal relationship with Jesus. That has been an uncomfortable topic. I would not know how to ask. I would want to know. If her time is near, its important she establishes that. Giving her heart to God is the best thing you can do. She says she prays every night. That is optimistic

My friend Meri is going through some tough times. She is battling depression. She also lost her great grandmother recently. Her mother has a bone disease and her grandfather has cancer. It is heart breaking but I can't pity her. I have tried to help her with her issues in the past but it has been rebuffed. So I continue to pray for her. All of this stuff that has happened has made her question God. She thinks He does not care. It is hard to comprehend why things happen to good people. I question that at times as well. But I won't indulge anyone who goes on a rant
and blames Him. She has said negative things about church and has not made the necessary steps to move forward in her life. So my heart goes out but not my pity. She has to learn to help her self as well.

Sarah is ecstatic that her boyfriend Rob came back home. Sarah lost her husband over a year ago so she has been through so much. She has had her family use her as a daycare and bank. Also she battles her in laws on a daily basis. They want control of her life and kids. She is surrounded by bitterness. She also shies away from sharing her views on her relationship with God. I continue to pray. The Lord has blessed her even if she has not fully acknowledged it yet.

Sharing God's word is hard. People who have been burned by experiences in the past sometimes have a problem with wanting to hear the Good News. My two best friends have had some unflattering opinions on the subject. I already mentioned Meri's hang up. Sarah had a bad experience in a church and is edgy about the subject. It doesn't help that the in laws don't have a good opinion. I have a friend also named Rob who also has his doubts. When I shared my growing relationship with him, he just sigh ed and said I shouldn't have to change. No one made me change. I felt like I was led to make some alterations. Trying to explain that to some people is equivalent to talking to a wall. Not trying to be rude but its true. Also a rant I have is when people describe God's word as "church and stuff". If you want to pull my chain just say that to me. It isn't "stuff" I will get into more about that later. But I had an experience where Rob said "going to church and stuff is cool but its not for me". See that obnoxious phrase? Maybe its just me but that really just drives me mad.

Ricky has been searching for domains for his ministry. I am excited! Spreading the Word is going to be a challenge but it will be fulfilling. Hopefully we can get this started soon. Also we are finding a way to work at home. We are not fulfilled with our current path in life. Struggling to make it and living the way we do is not pleasing to God. We spend money on eating out because it makes us feel important. We are learning that God wants us to be better stewards of our money. Eating out for me was a status symbol. Because I would remember back at Tom Thumb the rich ladies would come in and say "Lets do lunch!" to each other and talk about great places to go . I would get so envious and vowed to leave Tom Thumb and be able to be those ladies and go to lunch with friends. However I am at Sprint, no longer tied behind a register and I still have that need to prove that I can afford lunch and that I am better for affording things. So buying things has tried to feel a void that God can only do. I struggle with that every day. It causes stress with Ricky and he gets concerned. He has been known to do the same with some video games. This needs prayer. I believe we would fulfill our lives better by channeling our energy toward God's work. Money has been a cross between good and evil.

I am studying the Bible a little more than before. I am intimidated by it! 66 books. Where to start? What I have been doing is listening to KCBI and writing down verses that the DJs quote. I am also praying on how to start a self Bible study. I have been neglectful of giving some of day to His word. This will improve in time.

The journey continues. We are hitting bumps along the way. With God's grace we will rise above these difficulties.

Heavenly Father, I come to you to lift up Meri and her family. Touch their hearts and give them the peace that Mamaw Kennimer is in Your kingdom. Continue to lift up Sarah and Rob as they get to know each other in their relationship. Continue to heal Ricky and give us direction on how to minister to those who do not know You. We want to live to glorify You. Forgive us for our sins and for neglecting You. We ask this in the name of Your Son, Jesus,


Saturday, June 14, 2008

Blessings and Challenges

We are still not where we need to be financially. I don't want to be rich but I would like us to be above water. Being patient with Ricky is not easy. Sometimes I want to lash out and scream but it never does any good. All it causes is more pain and stress. We don't need that right now. I have continued praying for healing and searching for a solution. This is a test of faith.

However God's presence has been known in all the tiny things that happen. The small stuff counts. Checks that come out of nowhere, helping a friend in need, developing a new friendship are just a few signs of His presence. Ricky and I are expanding our Christian music selection. I am a faithful listener of KCBI now. We like almost any music but started actively listening to Christian radio and songs. Also KCBI's on air staff have been a blessing. I feel like God directs Rob Rion to pray for us because every time I send a prayer request in, he ends up getting it. The way the DJs get them is that they receive a list every hour. When I turn on the radio, he was announcing us. If you remember, he took the time to talk to me. Its amazing.

My friend Maria has different experiences with God. She is a faithful Christian. When she shares how God has shown His presence, I can only rejoice knowing that He is awesome. In the past if she (or anyone else) were to relay what happened to them, I would have pointed and laughed because the thought of God appearing in a dream or any other way than what I was used to was not in my line of thinking. I am learning not to put Him in a box.

Ricky and I are still researching ways to start our ministry. Its going to take financial provision, prayer and discipline to do this. We want to serve our Lord and glorify Him. So I will pray for a way to get this started.

We are evaluating where our church home is as well. Its a hard decision because we are rotating between 3 churches and each one calls to us in a different way. I want to get involved in more activities. I really want to do mission work. Ricky wants to use the Internet and minister to the gaming community. More to come as this evolves.

I am considering taking a week off from work because I am getting burned out. I want to restore my spirit and be a better performer of my job. I have been crying and stressed out most of the time. I would love for Ricky and I to go on a retreat and have our hearts revived. Our candle is down to the bottom. We need to refuel our relationship with each other and the Lord. Even as our faith is growing we still are a long way from praying together. I feel this will make a difference in so many ways.

I have not talked to my family much since I got back from East Texas. I am not ready for drama. If I do communicate with them, I will just slip back in depression. I am praying for Gods direction on this. Ignoring my family is not what I have in mind.

If no one has noticed I will be closing most posts with a prayer. My hope is that whoever sees my thoughts with God will not be scared to pray. Its sharing your heart with Him. There are no fancy words or Bible quoting. My prayers are far from eloquent and fancy. So be encouraged to lead in prayer if you are asked. God will not judge you for your vocabulary because He knows your heart.

Heavenly Father, we thank You for our fathers as Fathers day comes up. They have a hard job and we pray that they know Your word. I ask for healing on Ricky's side as it continues to cause him discomfort. Lay Your healing touch on him. We are blessed to have KCBI as a station that glorifies You. Please forgive us for falling short of You and we thank You for sending Your Son down. It is the greatest gift. For it is in Jesus name we pray, Amen

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Frustrating week

My week was not as bad as the last one. Its been stressful. At work I was assigned to do one job and I ended up doing 3. I feel like I am failing my boss and I hate that. He has not said anything but I get paranoid easily. Paranoia is something I am trying to work on. I have always been a worrywart so anything goes.

Ricky has not been feeling well. His condition puts him in constant limbo. The doctors have not found anything. Constant prayer from all of our friends and family has kept us going.

When we get more information we will update on Ricky's ministry. Right now we have left in the Lords hands. He has not directed us on where He wants us but we want to live according to His will.

I feel like part of the reason Ricky and I are not where we need to be is because we have been turning our back on what God wants us to do. We have a hard time budgeting because we let our material impulses guide us. My friend Jason pointed out that most people are living to get a temporary satisfaction. He had pointed out if we were just to live how God wants us to be we would be fulfilled all the time. People do not like what God delivers because its not always easy. He is not a genie who grants 3 wishes. Rather He is the One who can bring us eternal life. Even when my problems have gotten to a point where I wanted to throw in the towel, I remember His mercy and grace.

Heavenly Father, forgive us for falling short of You. We are humbled by your mercy and grace. We continue to thank you for your provisions and blessings. In Jesus Name we pray, Amen

Saturday, June 7, 2008


This past week has been eventful. I went to my grandfathers funeral. Actually we were late because Erica's mother in law was taking the long way around Longview. We were 20 minutes late and missed most of the service. That really bothered me. But that was nothing compared to 2 days later.

Ricky and I went to First United Methodist Church in Longview while we were in East Texas. We try to continue going to church services even when we are out of town. With the stress Gods word was really comforting. I found it awesome that my niece Haley wanted to come with us as well. She fidgeted throughout the service. Understandable because the church she goes to is much more informal than what First Methodist provided

The visit was not too bad with my sisters but there is always something that happens that usually puts me in a funk. My mother had surgery on Tuesday. It did not go well because the tumor could not be removed. That news from the doctor was sad enough. It did not help matters that Rhonda called and she was upset about Erica and Kathy. It seems like all of us sisters can never get a long; Its depressing! Well Erica, Kathy and I ended up yelling at each other and saying things we regret in the hospital. That just breaks my heart so bad. Rhonda and Erica exchanged words over the phone as well. I keep praying we can be healed as a family. We have been broken for way too long.

Some great things have happened though. I have been the only one working while Ricky has been out. It seems like God has provided time and time again. We keep getting checks out of nowhere. They seem to come at a time when we are about to be broke and not buy food. It has been a major blessing! Ricky and I have not been active in our walk with God before he got ill so all of this has humbled us. We can never say God has forsaken us. It made me angry I couldn't show Ricky Gods grace. Of course you know our Lord. He has other plans. He said "Leave it to Me".

Ricky has been witnessing on Guild Wars a lot! He is probably one of the best witnesses out there. I could be biased but I feel like its true. :) He is not condemning and he explains Gods love in a way that makes a person want to come to Christ. Most people who witness speak of hellfire and brimstone. The way I was witnessed to spoke of Jesus being my friend. So I am blessed to know that Ricky is making a difference in the lives of others. We just need prayers where we can pray together. He still is scared to do so but I am giving it time.

When I got back to work, I got a sympathy card from my coworkers. It made me laugh because my coworkers from Minnesota and Wisconsin sent Rose a personalized thought for the card. So Rose wrote for Judi. It was cute. I sent a thank you note to the team. Some of them I don't get a long with as well as others but no one is bad.

I had another encounter with Rob Rion last night. He was quoting another scripture on KCBI and I called him to get it right away. I learned my lesson not to wait a week! :) He was just as nice as he was last time and told me he has not forgotten about my first scripture I asked for. That humbled me. We talked again and he was just as cool as the first time. I told him that I am wanting to study the Bible better every time he quotes Scripture. KCBI is such an awesome ministry. They are using a powerful resource: Media. Media has been used as evil for so long, its refreshing to have a station that plays great music and has good teachings. The Lord provided this station to DFW for 33 years. I don't think they are going anywhere.

So with so many things going on in our lives, one thing has remained. God is the same today, tomorrow and always. We are blessed.

Thank you Lord for your many provisions and blessings. We are humbled by your unending grace. Continue to be with us during our journey to minister to others and be with those who need your healing touch. We ask this in Jesus Name