Stressed

So its been awhile. Mainly because I have been stressed. So much is going on. I don't know where to begin.

My job is stressful. I have to deal with higher up managers if something goes wrong. They have my phone number so if they wanted to get a hold of me they can. Scary! Also I feel like I have been disappointing my boss. He has not said anything but I am scared I will get pulled into the office and be told otherwise. I was basically thrust into a new position. I was covering for someone for one night and it turned in to a 3 week ordeal. I am scared because its a different position than what I was doing. I don't want to screw it up. I have been going to work crying because of this. My boss has had no issue so far but it still scares me.

My sister Kathy is going through a divorce. That's a blessing because her husband was not a good man. He hurt her and her kids so many times its not funny. Divorce is no fun but I feel God is opening a door for her to get help and build a better life. She was into drugs and alcohol. So I want to help some how. She wants to stay with Ricky and I. As volatile as our tempers are and as dynamic as we can be, her and I would clash. For one, Ricky and I don't allow that stuff in our house. Ricky has stopped drinking completely and I don't want to get involved in chemical enhancement. Our finances are not stable either. So I am praying on an effective way to help.

My mother's chances of fighting her cancer have grown slimmer. She only has the option of chemotherapy. She hasn't given up so there is hope. I am still mixed up about this because we have not had a relationship for most of my life. I have no bitterness with her or anger. So I just pray for some type of miracle. I don't know if she has a personal relationship with Jesus. That has been an uncomfortable topic. I would not know how to ask. I would want to know. If her time is near, its important she establishes that. Giving her heart to God is the best thing you can do. She says she prays every night. That is optimistic

My friend Meri is going through some tough times. She is battling depression. She also lost her great grandmother recently. Her mother has a bone disease and her grandfather has cancer. It is heart breaking but I can't pity her. I have tried to help her with her issues in the past but it has been rebuffed. So I continue to pray for her. All of this stuff that has happened has made her question God. She thinks He does not care. It is hard to comprehend why things happen to good people. I question that at times as well. But I won't indulge anyone who goes on a rant
and blames Him. She has said negative things about church and has not made the necessary steps to move forward in her life. So my heart goes out but not my pity. She has to learn to help her self as well.

Sarah is ecstatic that her boyfriend Rob came back home. Sarah lost her husband over a year ago so she has been through so much. She has had her family use her as a daycare and bank. Also she battles her in laws on a daily basis. They want control of her life and kids. She is surrounded by bitterness. She also shies away from sharing her views on her relationship with God. I continue to pray. The Lord has blessed her even if she has not fully acknowledged it yet.

Sharing God's word is hard. People who have been burned by experiences in the past sometimes have a problem with wanting to hear the Good News. My two best friends have had some unflattering opinions on the subject. I already mentioned Meri's hang up. Sarah had a bad experience in a church and is edgy about the subject. It doesn't help that the in laws don't have a good opinion. I have a friend also named Rob who also has his doubts. When I shared my growing relationship with him, he just sigh ed and said I shouldn't have to change. No one made me change. I felt like I was led to make some alterations. Trying to explain that to some people is equivalent to talking to a wall. Not trying to be rude but its true. Also a rant I have is when people describe God's word as "church and stuff". If you want to pull my chain just say that to me. It isn't "stuff" I will get into more about that later. But I had an experience where Rob said "going to church and stuff is cool but its not for me". See that obnoxious phrase? Maybe its just me but that really just drives me mad.

Ricky has been searching for domains for his ministry. I am excited! Spreading the Word is going to be a challenge but it will be fulfilling. Hopefully we can get this started soon. Also we are finding a way to work at home. We are not fulfilled with our current path in life. Struggling to make it and living the way we do is not pleasing to God. We spend money on eating out because it makes us feel important. We are learning that God wants us to be better stewards of our money. Eating out for me was a status symbol. Because I would remember back at Tom Thumb the rich ladies would come in and say "Lets do lunch!" to each other and talk about great places to go . I would get so envious and vowed to leave Tom Thumb and be able to be those ladies and go to lunch with friends. However I am at Sprint, no longer tied behind a register and I still have that need to prove that I can afford lunch and that I am better for affording things. So buying things has tried to feel a void that God can only do. I struggle with that every day. It causes stress with Ricky and he gets concerned. He has been known to do the same with some video games. This needs prayer. I believe we would fulfill our lives better by channeling our energy toward God's work. Money has been a cross between good and evil.

I am studying the Bible a little more than before. I am intimidated by it! 66 books. Where to start? What I have been doing is listening to KCBI and writing down verses that the DJs quote. I am also praying on how to start a self Bible study. I have been neglectful of giving some of day to His word. This will improve in time.

The journey continues. We are hitting bumps along the way. With God's grace we will rise above these difficulties.

Heavenly Father, I come to you to lift up Meri and her family. Touch their hearts and give them the peace that Mamaw Kennimer is in Your kingdom. Continue to lift up Sarah and Rob as they get to know each other in their relationship. Continue to heal Ricky and give us direction on how to minister to those who do not know You. We want to live to glorify You. Forgive us for our sins and for neglecting You. We ask this in the name of Your Son, Jesus,

Amen