Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Does it ever end?

At this point I have no idea what to do anymore. I feel like every time things get better a curve ball is being thrown our way. At this point I am wondering if I should just expect the worst and not be disapointed? Things were really starting to look up. I have this feeling that any time I am content, pleased, happy with things. I always have this feeling of doom and prayers are needed in the worst way. I cant take much more of this.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012


TV today is horrible. After watching shows this week I don't know why I even bother. I had a very unpleasant experience with the programs I viewed.

I love music and I like Katherine McPhee. So I started watching Smash on Mondays. The first few episodes were good. However this week it went too far. The direction was quite disgusting. I didn't need to see Katherine McPhee do a striptease in her room. I wasn't impressed with her character flaunting herself at her boyfriends dinner. Then we cut to a different scene where another female is entertaining an affair and misses out on her son getting arrested. The star sleeps with the director to get the part in the play. I could go on and on. But what really did it for me is a scene where it shows two guys covered with a sheet talking about how great the sex was. Luckily we were not treated to the actual scene but the aftermath turned my stomach. Call me judgemental prig all you want but I was appalled by this weeks episode. Oh did I mention where Debra Messings character is making out with someone else besides her husband at the end of the show and the son sees her? It makes me sad to see a show with such potential turn into trash.

Switched at Birth was a dissapointment this week as well. What message is the show sending when at the end two teenagers sleep with each other because they are mad at the world? Also why must the producers really push the "bad boy" image with one of the main characters who happens to be deaf? Are they trying to send a message that deaf people are evil? Whats the point? They take an admirable person and turn him into a jerk. Drugs and Alcohol are brought on the scene too. What is ironic is that this is supposed to be on ABC Family. But the shows on this channel are not really family friendly. I am all for a show that deals with real issues but it can be done without the smut.

TLC is one of the worst networks ever. They have gems like "Kate plus 8" "LA Ink" "Sister Wives". I could go on and on. There are very few shows on that channel I would bother to view. Anything else is a waste of time. I find it sad that TLC feels like they have to make a buck on trash. Do children need to be exploited? What do you hope to accomplish by showing something glorifying polygamy? I guess its a blessing in disguise I do not have cable.

Lets pray for some change in our entertainment world. It does not have to be trashy to make a buck.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

I am trying!!

Things have been looking up. There have been no threats of divorce in the last few weeks. Ricky's health has improved since he has been taking a new health supplement. His residual back pain is gone. The blood pressure numbers are great. His diabetes are stabilized. The best part is there have not been any more awful fights. We are going back to church and reconnecting. You would think that I should be rejoicing and thanking God for the reprieve. But I am not. Instead I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. I feel like every time things are on track, the Lord just wants to throw another curb ball. Quite frankly I am sick of the curve balls, challenges, and struggles. I have gotten to a point where when things are great I expect something bad to happen soon. I hate feeling this way! I am trying to be grateful for the blessings that have come my way. I have been praying every night. But I still feel so disconnected from God and I hate that. I dont want to be at war with Him. But my trust is so shattered. I am praying that my heart is changed. I am trying to be better.