Sunday, September 20, 2009

Many thoughts again

This past week I got to volunteer for KCBI's Share 2009. It is a fundraiser event that takes donations and faith promises from listeners. The station is listener supported and has no commercials or advertising. Businesses do support the station by underwriting. I could go in to the boring details of how a station works but it would put me to sleep trying to describe it. However I had an awesome time in the company of the staff and fellow volunteers. I got to sit and talk with Rob Rion, Bongo Rod, Bernie, Dennis..I could go on and on. It was an amazing time of fellowship with other believers and I supported a ministry I believed in. As long as I am in the DFW area I plan to work every year at this event. What a way to have fun and do something meaningful at the same time.

I am trying to lose weight. It is a struggle to do so but I know I can do it if I try. I had taken to walking every day but when Share came around I fell off the wagon. At Share 2009 food is provided around the clock. So I ended up eating a LOT. This week I will get disciplined again. I don't blame anyone but myself for my self control issues but that's okay. :) I am also trying to replace soda with water and control my portions. Of course when food is provided almost every second that can be a challenge. One of the reasons why I want to lose weight is because I am not healthy. I am 70 pounds overweight. I believe that getting rid of this excess could help my back problems and joints. I also want to keep myself from becoming diabetic. It runs in the family and the effects of it are not pretty if left untreated.

I got to meet 2 of my "celebrities" that were mentioned in an earlier post. On August 28 I met Dr. Richard Land at SWBTS chapel. On September 10th I met Dr. Al Mohler. Keep in mind when I say meet its a 3 minute ordeal. You shake their hand, tell them how much you admire them, have them sign your book, maybe take a picture if you are lucky and its over. I wish I could have sat down to lunch with them because these men are 2 that I admire greatly. However they are busy spreading the gospel through the work they do.

Ricky and I are still struggling with finances. I have bills that need to be caught up on. I took a small step and made a payment plan for a phone bill that Meri ran up. I got her a phone through my job and needless to say I did not get much money from it. I take partial responsibility for this bill because I did not put restrictions. So I feel like I am making a small step toward getting out of debt. Ricky is in school now. I am glad because it motivates him and he is not finding ways to be negative or talk himself out of doing something worthwhile. Because he is in school I am figuring out ways to trim the budget and keep the household afloat until Ricky finds work or a source of income. We are looking for a cheaper place to live. The rent here is outrageous. I know of apartments that charge less for more space in a safe area.

At Share 2009 I met some nice people. However there is this one woman I met that I feel envious of. Her name is Christina and she is married to the general manager (Mike) for the station. She is an attractive woman with a great figure and blond hair. She and Mike have 2 kids. They are the ideal American family with the boy and a girl in a nice house with a dog. I have not felt envious in quite some time so why is it rearing up now? I guess its because she seems to have it put together. She is a stay at home mom with a happy marriage. We talked for some time. I have to shamefully admit I almost written her off as a shallow, uppity woman from her appearance. But that is certainly not Christ like and I am being just as shallow by judging on outside covers. I got past that and started feeling insecure as we talked because she spoke with such joy about her life. Judgemental me started thinking "it must be nice to have it all". The sad thing is that I don't know much about her life with Mike other than what I saw at Share. I have no idea of the struggles the family may go through. I was literally focused on all the things I saw. I am envious of the house, the family, the financial security, and circumstances. I started longing to look like her. I wanted to somehow find Ricky and I a house so I could somewhat secretly compete with her and say "I can have that too." I still am struggling with money issues by spending money I do not have show people that I can afford things too. These are weaknesses that have been brought to light. I am now repenting for being envious and judgemental. My life is not perfect but it is blessed. I have to be grateful for what I have. Its hard sometimes because when I see people who seem to have it more together than I do the green monster rears its head.

I am still praying for a way to get out of working on Sunday. Week after week I miss being in a house of believers. Listening to the services on the radio really do more harm than good because I just start resenting the fact I am not there in church. I am missing out on music ministry and being an active part of the church. I know the Lord knows my heart and He understands. The only comfort I can draw is that the Lord sees my efforts. However so many events in the church are coming up and I have to miss out because I am work. I am not ungrateful for my job but I am hungering for fellowship. Going to SWBTS chapel during the week is wonderful but not the same. Missing my church home does not change my gratitude for SWBTS offering worship. I am not sure how I would get through the week with out these services.

My life is not perfect but it is wonderful. I have the Lord on my side. I love my husband even during trials. I thank our Father for the blessings I already have and ask for repentance on my coveting attitude I reflect on troubled times and the lessons learned.

Heavenly Father, Thank you for Your blessings and forgive me as I seem ungrateful for being envious. I ask you to continue watching over those who need Your comforting hand. In Jesus Name, Amen.

No comments: