Tuesday, May 15, 2012


My faith is still being tested.  I know that the Lord is not being cruel.  But recent events have made me question what He is doing.  Ricky lost his job so we are back to one income.  The idea frightens me because of our mortgage.  We somewhat skated by when we lived in the apartment.  Ricky and I have been arguing. I fear he wants to go back to the days of old where depending on Mommy was the game plan.  As it is he has suggested that she might move in because that's what God would want.  We are to be obedient to what the Lord has in store for us.  But I wouldn't be human if I wasn't just a little angry about having parents move in

  I guess the most frustrating thing is things were going well the past couple of months.  Ricky and I moved our membership from First Dallas to Aurora Baptist Church.  We are embracing a new business opportunity and Ricky's health has improved by leaps and bounds.  Ricky's attitude has changed by leaps and bounds.  My faith is strengthening.  We got involved in choir at church.  We are making friends in our neighborhood.  We have made enough money to take care of bills.

But I guess the Lord wanted us to deal with challenges.   I will be brutally honest I am really starting to get sick of trials.  Compared to some its not the end of the world.  But I am not really good at handling adversity or any type of kink thrown my way.  This test of faith is necessary but I didn't want it.  I really just wanted to go a few months without worrying about where the next meal is coming from or it the mortgage was going to be paid. As frustrated as I am though I do not want to be angry at the Lord.  I am quite frustrated though.

I am also grieving the loss of a friendship.   It was on shaky ground for years but when recent events came to light it was a sign that it is done.  We will never be as close as we once were.  My heart breaks knowing that.  I haven't cut the person off or told him to go away.  But his recent life development will definitely throw cold water on any hope of a close friendship ever again.  It is not his fault but I have to be realistic.  I wish him the best.  Wow this hurts so bad.

I have no idea whats next for us.  I pray that I can handle it with dignity and acceptance.  My current method is doing more harm than good.  I cant handle another day of crying. 

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