Its been tough.

One of my good friends has lost her husband this week.  It has been very tough for all of us who knew him.  I have been dealing with a ton of emotions over the past week.  One that has stuck out though is anger. When I found the news that he had passed away I felt let down by God.  I had spent most of the night petitioning for his healing and recovery.  I prayed almost non stop throughout the day up until I found out.  So in my grief and pain I am angry.  I draw no comfort in any of the things that have been said or will be said.  I feel like I would go off on someone if he or she tries to comfort me with the cliches.  I cannot try to find anything good that would come out of this.  As far as I am concerned a wife, family and friends are grieving for a loved one.  So I have been angry at God.  I have asked why and I have bluntly stated this wasnt right.  In this early stage I feel like my prayers were mocked and that I wasnt heard.  My faith has been shaken but not defeated. 

Even with all the emotions I feel I cannot imagine what my friend is going through.  She has to wake up knowing he wont be there the next morning.  She has to figure out how to go on.  Its going to take time and prayer.  She will be making hard decisions over the next year.  She has to deal with inquiries regarding her husband.  I have seen this cycle with another close friend of mine when she went through a similar situation a few years ago.  It doesnt matter the circumstances.  It is not easy to watch.

I pray for the family and friends affected.  We need healing because right now it hurts too bad.