Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Thoughts about divorce

This may offend some people what I am about to write.  But it has been tugging at my heart to talk about this.  I want to talk about divorce and why I am praying about a way to curb it in today's society.  I am sick of seeing broken homes, hurt children, and selfish people who do not care. 

Divorce affects the children long after they are grown.  The following examples are just a small portion of the junk Ricky and I deal with from our parents. Its pretty sad my dad says "when your relationship ends please let me know".  Really that's how you want to be encouraging to your daughter?  How selfish!   I also find it upsetting that Ricky's mom still holds so much anger and bitter feelings toward his dad.  its been 16 years.  Her anger has put a negative impact on Ricky's relationship with his dad.  She will constantly talk bad about him and cause doubt and fear with Ricky and his dad.  Its very disheartening to see an event from years past still play a major role in our lives today.   It causes trust issues with Ricky.  I assume he is going to betray me and during a weak moment I might buy into the horrible advice my dad gives. 

I am sure most people who have made this painful decision were seriously trying to consider what was best at that time.  I know couples that have split due to abuse, infidelity, and abandonment.  It is hurtful to see.  So I am certainly not condemning because I can only imagine how horrible it was to get to that point where a split was the best decision. But what angers me is that a lot of the time people have split over really stupid things.  When you got married you made a commitment!  So splitting because your spouse gained 15 pounds post wedding is not acceptable.  Also just because your heart doesn't flutter at the site of your spouse does NOT mean you fell out of love.  If you are in a marriage that is developing and growing you will graduate from heart fluttering to something much more meaningful.  I know couples who have split because of money.  That is understandable but it CAN be prevented.   This means communicating and coming up with a plan.  I can speak from experience on that because while we had financial challenges I was not ready to throw in the towel. 

Folks you didn't take a vow just to break it when the waters get rough.  You are misrepresenting marriage in the worst way.  If you see a crack in your marriage you FIX it!  You didn't commit your life to just one person to hurt them later on for your selfish desires.  I do not care if your wife gained 15 pounds.  Instead of berating her find out why?  How do you know its not a medical condition or depression?  You cant find out unless you communicate!  Wives your husband is not perfect.  Get used to it.  You didn't marry him to "change" him.  It doesn't work.  A man might mold his life in the right direction but he has to be willing.  No amount of cajoling, bribing or threats will get the job done. 

I love Ricky.  I also get angry at him.  Sometimes his attention span is horrible and he tunes me out. He will thrown his socks on the floor.  He might forget to fix something he was asked to do.  But those are things that can be overlooked or worked through with prayer and guidance.  I know Ricky loves me.  However I know he gets annoyed with my mood swings and house habits.  But these are NOT capital offenses.  We have talked, prayed and worked through our differences.  Our marriage is no where near perfect.  We have a long road ahead of us.  But with the Lord's help we will succeed. 

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