Friday, November 8, 2013

Its getting better but we still have a long road

Tuesday was the funeral for Lonnie.  It was quite emotional and heart-wrenching.  I broke down multiple times during the service.  I have had a ton of crying spells too.  But of course Cheyenne is having the worst time of all.  She holds up well when I visit her.  But when I leave she cries and has the worst time sleeping and eating.  So it hurts that there is really nothing I can do besides be a friend.  I wish there was a way to take this pain away. 

One of the reasons why I was struggling with this death is because I wasn't sure Lonnie was a believer.  Multiple family members testified he was saved so that helped some of my guilt.  Knowing that he is in his Heavenly home has helped me cope. "He is in a better place" is actually something I can take comfort in now. I think me coming to terms early on will help me be a stronger person for Cheyenne and the family when they need someone. Ricky and I are still grieving though and it will take time.

I haven't mentioned my mother in law because we hadn't had conflicts in awhile.  But she decided to come during a very bad time.  We were dealing with Lonnie's death, Ricky was working nights and I was working too.  So unfortunately we didn't get to spend much time with her.  When she was up Ricky was sleeping.  When Ricky was up she was sleeping.  So it was quite tough to get some time with her.  We were able to go to dinner with her Monday evening.  But we told her that Tuesday was the funeral so we may not be home all day.  Because after the funeral we went to the Stockyards where Lonnie's brother Daniel was playing music as a tribute. We didn't get home until late. She was upset and left our house Wednesday afternoon in a huff.  I know she came to visit but it was not an appropriate time.  She also made some comments that were very upsetting.  So I am not angry but very disappointed that this junk happened.  It wasn't the time.

I am praying for all of us during this time.  But I especially pray for Cheyenne.  She needs all the support and strength she can get. 

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